The Book of Three (The Hero's guide to falling flat on your face)

The Book of Three holds fond memories for me of nights up reading the Chronicles of Prydain. Based on Welsh mythology, Lloyd Alexander managed to create some very bright and memorable characters. Funny enough, even though they're older books, the series holds up quite well. Nobody's a cookie cutter character and everyone ends up surprising you. Throw in the mystical swords and hero's quests and you have the recipe for a fantasy classic. From the very beginning I love how no one takes Taran seriously. And for good reason too, the boy's trumped up on daydreams, has a huge ego, whines a lot and is pretty full of himself. Any other story where the hero is lauded as spectacular with this behavior I'd be annoyed, but since everyone around him constantly makes note of his failings, he ends up learning humility by the end of the book. In fact, my favorite instance happens in the first chapter. Taran wants to be fancy and heroic and wants a title...so Coll gives him title of Assistant Pig-Keeper, which becomes the butt of many jokes for the rest of the story.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Taran makes an ass of himself #1: Upon meeting Prince Gwydion for the first time, Taran manages to spectacularly put the wrong foot out in every instance. First he exclaims that this man before him can't be Gwydion since he's not dressed all prince-like. When he realizes it actually is the Prince, he tries to impress him, but only manages to nearly drown, dive into a thornbush and make a multitude of other ridiculous mistakes. The entire time Gwydion gently chides him and teaches him valuable lessons that stick with him for the rest of the book.

Taran makes an ass of himself #2: Gwydion and him get thrown into the Spiral Castle where he soon meets Princess Eilonwy, a ragged girl who lives in the castle. From the very start, Taran's penchant for dramatics clashes with Eilonwy's practical nature which results in some very hilarious exchanges. And a lot of comments questioning the intelligence of certain Assistant Pig-Keepers. Eilonwy helps him escape and rescues the other man in the cells which Taran assumes is Gwydion. It's not. It's Fflewddur Flam, wandering bard/king. Taran flips at Eilonwy who points out that his need for secrecy caused the whole misunderstanding in the first place.

Taran makes an ass of himself #3: So, they depart to Caer Dathyl and finally get Hen Wen back along the way. Their band, now consisting of Fflewddur, Eilonwy, Gurgi, Doli and Taran as the leader tries to head off the Horned King's men and warn the Sons of Don before it's too late. Unfortunately, they did get there too late and bands of warriors begin overtaking them for the fight. The Horned King himself chases after them and Taran draws the sword Eilonwy protected, the one he had no business pulling, and gets himself burned and knocked out for the rest of the fight. Thankfully, Gwydion came to the rescue and saved them all with the sword, defeating the Horned King.

Taran's many foibles turn what could be a very prideful egotistical character and humble him greatly. By the end of the story he's turned into a respectable guy, who realizes all the trumped up dreams and fantasies he had in his head aren't quite as important in a real quest. What makes him truly a great character is that not only does he screw up a lot of times, but when he screws up he learns. While he's always stubborn, he does take advice from Gwydion to heart, remembering it at different times throughout the book and acting on it. And after burning himself on the Book of Three and the sword Dyrnwyn, he's stopped touching the untouchables too.

Rating: 4

July's Fantasy Food Feature: McAnally's Lemonade

Book featured in: Proven Guilty

Everyone remembers the reticent, quiet Mac, always tending the pub. Harry raves about his food throughout the series and he isn't the only one. And in "Proven Guilty" when Harry meets up with Lily and Fix to grill them, that lemonade with the lemonade ice cubes sounded amazing.

So I figured I'd try to make some myself.

Recipe:

1 1/2 cup white sugar
8 cups water
1 1/2 cups lemon juice


Start by tossing the sugar and one cup of water into a saucepan. Bring it to boil and then let it cool. Next, combine it in with the lemon juice. Finally, add in the remaining seven cups of water.

Next step, pull out an ice cube tray, pour the lemonade into it and freeze. Meanwhile, put the pitcher into the fridge to cool down.

Once it's all done, pull out the tray of ice cubes, which should look like this:

 

Drop them into the cup along with the mug of lemonade and enjoy the frosty goodness with no watering down! 

 

 Check in next month for the next recipe!

The Last Unicorn (the childhood lesson that life's not fair)

Now, I'll admit, I saw the movie first as a kid before ever reading the book. But since the movie was written by Peter Beagle as well, it didn't stray too far. Plus, the book is quite a delight to read with some of the most gorgeous writing I've read in a time. The descriptions throughout are so clever and genius that they haunt you long after you've finished reading. And the story is one of the few in fantasy that leaves you with a bittersweet taste. Sweet for the goal has been accomplished, but sad because the guy doesn't get the girl. I mean hell, the unicorn at the end says that she'll never be like the other unicorns again, for she's learned regret. Heavy hitting lessons, but no less real.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Unicorn Quest Pit Stop #1: After she takes off from her special forest of magical-ness, the unicorn travels along the roads, shocked that no one seems to recognize her for what she is. After being mistaken for a mare several times, she's finally kidnapped by someone who does know: Mommy Fortuna. But instead of helping her, the old hag locks her up as part of her carnival show. However, this is where she meets Schmendrick, the magician who also can tell her true nature. His loyalties don't hold for too long with Fortuna, not when she's holding a dangerous harpy and a unicorn captive. So he sets the unicorn free and they escape, although not without freeing the harpy who goes on to kill Mommy Fortuna and start a kickin' sideshow in Vegas. Kidding. Just the first part.

Unicorn Quest Pit Stop #2: Captain Cully's Camp is where Schmendrick gets spirited away after a magic trick gone wrong. Seriously, the man's a joke of a wizard and yet he manages to conjure up Robin Hood to distract Cully's men long enough for an attempted escape---only to get captured again and tied to a tree. Luckily the unicorn is intelligent and wise, not blustering like this dude and frees him so they can go on their merry way. However, they don't get too far before Molly Grue, Cully's cook, finds them and more importantly finds the unicorn. She demands to join them and similarly to before, the unicorn tolerates her human companions.

Unicorn Quest Pit Stop #3: The Final Countdown to Haggard's Castle. This is where everything combusts. The Red Bull starts corralling the unicorn to the sea like the rest of her brethren, but Schmendrick pulls some real magic at last, turning her into a human. Molly and the unicorn berate him, although through the years, I never understood their reaction. They beg him to save her and he does and then they're angry. Regardless, they head to Haggard's Castle, with the unicorn as Lady Amalthea. Since she's breathtakingly gorgeous, Haggard's son, Prince Lir falls in love with her and becomes a hero to impress her. The longer they stay, the more human she becomes and eventually, she falls for him too. The quest surfaces again though and when they try to find the Red Bull's lair, everything comes to a head and they're stuck inside with the only way out through his tunnels. Prince Lir stands to defend his lady, but Schmendrick must turn her back into a unicorn. The Red Bull begins to herd her into the sea like the rest of them, but when he tosses Prince Lir aside like a limp noodle, the unicorn despairs and for the first time, fights back. All of the other unicorns come rumbling out of the sea as the last one herds the Red Bull to his death. Everything else seems to be prancing unicorns and joyous rainbows, but wait. Oh yeah, Prince Lir's heartbroken and the unicorn must shoulder the burden of immortality having known love, having known fear and having known regret.

Rating: 4

Arrow's Flight (Herald internship leads to lots of lays)

Now, where the first book seemingly threw in some side conflict where there originally was none, this book did have a conflict fairly early on until the end. But the conflict was the hero not having control over her powers. And just like in the first book, she kept silent about her problems and it caused more trouble. Not only do you think she would've learned, but it throws her under the TSTL category. On the plus side, at least this book had more organization, which helped greatly and the introduction of the possible lifebond with Dirk made for some interesting character development.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Talia's the Villain #1: She's not actually the villain, but all of their problems stem from her. So it all begins when her partner, Kris, who she's on the internship with makes a comment about the circulating rumors that she's abusing her gift of empathy. Now, to most normal folks, well, that sucks. Might get a little bummed, somewhat annoyed, but to Talia, the special one, she takes a simple rumor and her "empathy" gift torpedoes it into a large scale problem. All because she didn't talk about it to anyone. Since empathy is supposed to be how you relate to others and not about your own feelings of inadequacy, I'm not quite sure how this makes sense.

Talia's the Villain #2: So, the entire middle half of the book takes place in a Waystation, as they're snowed in. Their problems are the blizzard outside, but mostly Talia, inside. Because she might EMOTION them all to death. Man, I wish I was joking. But that's the gigantic threat. That she'll project her empathy on Kris and since that's so super dangerous, they've gotta get it under control. So they spend the majority of the time banging as friends (although they've stated they feel brotherly and sisterly towards one another which creeps me out, because a casual fuck does not normally happen between brothers and sisters) and working on fixing her out of control gift.

Talia's the Villain #3: So, after Talia's under control, they continue on their path, solving problems as Heralds are apt to do. They encounter a rapist in a village and Talia uses her mind juju on him to trap him in a loop of torture. Magically, everything's better and even though she never really established the moral implications of her gift, she pretty much decides she doesn't give a damn by the end, making the entire struggle through the book a pointless obsolete.

Rating: 2

Arrows of the Queen (A schizophrenic's lullaby. With ponies!)

After hearing Mercedes Lackey's name mentioned in the fantasy circuit for years when I finally got around to reading her I was met with disappointment. Perhaps its because I've been reading more contemporary novels and this is a bit older, but the writing hasn't aged well at all. Between the disjointed perspective jumps from paragraph to paragraph which got repetitive and confusing (Instructor Sherril thinks this about Talia. Talia thinks exactly the same thing except with different word choice!) and the worst plotting I've seen in awhile, (big events are put in more as an afterthought: Oh yeah, we've got to have some conflict, right?) I had a hard time struggling through the book. I will give the author this, the magic system is well thought out and the world is well crafted. Aside from that, the book doesn't have much merit. Everything got glossed over in a sort of weird way, like traipsing through someone's own daydreams where they're magically good at everything and don't have to struggle. We're given no insight as to how Talia really feels about all of the events except that she tries to not cry and then proceeds to cry more than any other character. Apart from weeping, there isn't a lot of character development going on. She seems to transform by the end into some well adjusted adult through her friendship with the old man, etc. But as a reader it feels very falsified, for things happen way too easily.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Talia's so Perfect #1
The first instance of things happening too easily starts in the beginning. We get that the pony, oh wait, Companion, chose her, but really? It just HAPPENED to come at the perfect time when she runs away? No roughing it in the woods for awhile? Learning how to survive? No. When the next problem arises where she has no supplies, it's magically resolved when she goes to the next town. And the next one. And the one following. They just give her all the supplies she needs.

Talia's so Perfect #2
Her arrival at the Collegium is followed by more irrationality. First off, she's the Queen's Own. Okay, sure, special destiny, I'll suspend the disbelief. But then all of her teachers proceed to wonder at how precocious and amazing she is. Meanwhile, us readers watch her do a whole whopping nothing. She says a few words and everyone oohs and ahs at how insightful her mundane phrases are. It's a whole lot of telling us how amazing she is without actually showing any of it. The only thing she does is keep to herself when she's getting bullied and then almost dies. But rather than trying to fight back (heroic behavior) or trying to outsmart the bullies (heroic behavior) she just plays the victim in silence until everyone else saves her. Continuing her trend of doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for herself. And of course when it comes time for them to realize their gifts, Talia has the best and most rare ability they've seen in an age and people expect her to be the most super fantastic herald ever.

Talia's so Perfect #3 The farce at relationships was a killer. Skiff befriends her, good on him, and she barely says two words to him. But Talia's amazing, so he's just smitten. And the introduction of sex in this book is nothing but a giant joke. Really. Her friend Sherrill shows up after becoming a full fledged Herald and instead of saying anything about the situation drops in with sagely advice about using protection if she's going to bang Skiff. First off, while time has passed in the book, they've made no mention of it and all we have is the mental image of this thirteen year old. Secondly, how did they jump from a kiss on the cheek to full out fucking? And Talia takes it with all the excitement of a dead fish. 'Oh yes, this seems to be quite a lovely plan. Why dear Skiff, we must copulate.' And then the whopping three times they attempt to have sex, one or both of them fall asleep. It seems as if the only reason Talia's trying to fuck him is because Sherrill told her about this birth control and she's just got to try it out! Like a new fucking flavor of water ice or something. To make matters creepier, by the end of the book, her and Skiff go from deciding to just be friends, to referring to each other as brother and sister. All in one book.

The plot scrambled along like a distracted five year old in a carnival, trying to figure out what shiny thing to examine next. Maybe it's just because I'm a huge fan of character development, but this book definitely fell flat for me.

Rating: 2

Codex of Alera: Cursor's Fury (When puppies attack)

Book three of Codex of Alera brings in one of the biggest battles we've seen yet with the twist that Tavi is a man now and leading the Legion against the Canim. The Canim you say? Yes, our furry friends are the big bad invaders at this point, coming in midway through the book after Kalare has declared war on Gaius. Of course, the timing was rather impeccable since Kalarus had been corroborating with them. With our plucky friends torn in two different directions, Kalare's war quickly takes a backseat to this insane Canim invasion. This book was a treat to read though, as it drops more surprise bombs and plot twists than the previous ones, all with panache. As the couples start solidifying through this book, most of the point of view switches centralize on them and it's easy to follow.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Couples Corner #1: Isana and Fade. Fade gets poisoned and Isana tries to save him. Easy enough, right? Well, these parts throughout the entirety of the book serve you on a gold flecked platter all the questions you've had before about Isana. Yes, she is Tavi's mother. Yes, he is Septimus' son. (Almost typed Optimus there and we'd have a Transformer.) Yes, her and Fade go way back. But Butcher uses her memories combined with healing Fade and discovering his memories to reveal the truth of everything that happened the fateful day that Septimus died. Fade's selfless love for Isana, after knowing everything he'd gone through and sacrificed is both heartbreaking and beautiful, so his reward at the end of the book hits hard.

Couples Corner #2: Bernard and Amara. The two have become inseparable, especially after Amara skips her period and could possibly be pregnant. They go on a top-secret-Gaius-cursor trip to help stop Kalare and save Lady Placidia and the other unimportant chick. But, bringing Lady Aquitaine and her cronies are where things get sticky. They fight Kalare and Amara saves Rook's daughter as well as the captives, but the most important interactions are between her and Lady Aquitaine. A lot of well placed mistrust leads Amara to take the upper hand at the very end when Lady Aquitaine tries to force her onto her side and lucky for them since Odiana and Aldrick could very well throw down some hurtin'. Although Amara ends up not pregnant, Bernard and her are eager to keep trying....like in every book. (Regardless, those passages never get old)

Couples Corner #3: Tavi and Kitai. More Tavi than anything, this is his book where he really shines. From Cursor to Captain after an ill fated explosion, he turns from the small child we see in the first book into a man in this one, taking command of an entire Legion against the biggest Canim threat Alera's ever seen. Tavi really comes into his own as Septimus' son and the heir, even impressing the First Spear, Fidelias in disguise. In pure Butcher fashion, there's even a moment where the two hordes are on either side and Tavi takes some time to play ludus (chess) with Nausaug, the Canim Battlemaster. Absolutely fantastic. But on the Tavi and Kitai scale, their most important moment hits near the end, when they're ready to get busy. First Tavi, then Kitai discover they've developed the ability to furycraft, effectively dropping the biggest storybomb yet.

Rating: 4

Codex of Alera: Academ's Fury (More villains crammed in one book than a Spiderman movie)

Book two in the Codex of Alera series finds everyone from Calderon spread across Alera. Tavi is now in the Academy and is Gaius' own personal page. Of course, things couldn't be easy, seeing as he has no furies, so he's mercilessly picked on. Isana's running the steadholt now and Bernard and Amara are in their new positions. When the vord start stomping on everyone's picnics, Isana has to go to the Capitol to get help, but also for fancy appearances sake since she's the first female steadholder. Now, it wouldn't be a Jim Butcher book without a lot of action, but this book requires at least a dozen different enemies to do so.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Angry Horde #1: So, let's start with Tavi, since that's where the book picks up. He's got all these douchely Citizen dudes picking on him from the beginning. Problem is, the father of one is High Lord Kalare. He is the distraction bad guy throughout the book. He serves to just....well, cause them problems. It was a great setup for book three where he's head honcho bad guy, but man. No wonder this guy sires douches, as he sets the precedence for Primary Asshat in the first place. He sends assassins to kill Isana, but she's saved by the Aquitaines, last book's bad guys turned not-so-good guys in this book. And then when Kalare's dolt of a son gets his ass whipped by Tavi, Kalare takes on a personal vendetta against him. Granted, none of it is as bad as the chaos he causes in book three.

Angry Horde #2: The Canim. Now, I know the last book focused on the Marat, but I think more might have been mentioned about the puppyfolk. These guys haunt around the Capitol growling in people's faces and leaving dumps as open acts of rebellion against Gaius. That last part didn't happen, but it is one of the questions brought up by half humans, half wolf people. Where is the line drawn? Regardless, the Canim become a huge problem by the end of the book because of the bigger threat...

Angry Horde #3: The Vord! Between the wax spiders, possessed masses and weird buggy shapes, these guys are a boatload of fun. And since the whole rest of the Capitol is distracted by petty politics and the lack of Gaius, nobody comes until the fight is pretty much over to help poor Amara and Bernard. For the second time in a row, Calderon people are left saving the asses of the entire nation and yet people still don't believe them. The vord took on so many different appearances and forms that it became difficult to keep up all of what they could do. These guys seem like the ultimate baddies, but it's kind of hard to take them seriously when everyone's squabbling over at the Capitol, ignoring the vord while they're in full rah rah conquer mode. Despite the overwhelming number of villains in the book, Butcher manages to entangle most of them in with the vord by the end, thus making it work, rather than sink like a kitten in a vat full of pudding.

Rating: 3