Hammered (Thor is a gigantic douchehat)

After the last book "Hexed" being everything I wanted from the series, my expectations had raised significantly for this one. While I enjoyed it, it fell flat for me kind of like the first one. One of the things I've noticed is that the voice fluctuates a lot during the series. The first book, you'd believe the character is 2100 years old for sure and he has an arrogant tone throughout. The second book I thought had the best balance to it. He was all knowing and wise, but kept up with the times as a matter of survival. When he slips into the twenty one year old geek persona, it was hilarious, but it was a persona, a facet. This book takes the persona and makes it his personality. While I loved the jokes, it was inconsistent with the first two books. Regardless, this book was about Atticus making do on his promises from the last book.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Atticus Kicks a God in the Jollies and Runs #1:
This first happens when he kills the Norns and the adorable giant squirrel, Ratatosk gets murdered in the process. Atticus repays his debts and in the previous book he owed Laksha a golden apple of Idunn. Since Bacchus was already pissy with him, he leaves a note to Idunn that Bacchus was involved, papering his name all over Valhalla. But the alarms sound fast and while the Norns want him dead, Atticus would really like to stay living. So he distracts Odin, beheads some Norns and hightails it back down Yggdrasil, the tree of life. 

Atticus Kicks a God in the Jollies and Runs #2:
So while he's on the way out of Tempe and gathering the boys for their big fight against the entire Norse pantheon (Well, supposedly just Thor) they run into one very pissed off god. Oh Bacchus, don't worry, you weren't forgotten. After murdering a ton of Bacchants the last book, the god wasn't pleased with Atticus. And then after dropping his name all around Valhalla...well, the gods were never known for being forgiving. So their journey gets a kick start as Bacchus literally chases them out of town on his chariot. 

Atticus Kicks a God in the Jollies and Runs #3
This fight had a lead in from the first book when Atticus mentioned what a giant douchebag Thor was. Somehow you had the feeling it was going to end in battle. And indeed it does. Atticus and his companions rally the Frost Giants and they take the Norse pantheon by surprise. They hadn't been prepared for gods, an ancient druid, an ancient vampire and a werewolf alpha. Everyone had their own reasons for killing Thor, but in the process they lay waste to Valhalla. The body count is huge. I'm talking Thor dead, Odin incapacitated, the Valkyries slain....it gets ridiculous. And with most of the people wanting revenge dead, Atticus can't even ask them if it was worth it. Even though they get out of Valhalla, they're still on the run and a ton of gods want them dead. 

One of the things that bugged me was the large chunk of the book that was storytime. Personally I thought it slowed down the pacing of the entire thing and would've been more interesting had the guys all just talked to one another. Instead a huge chunk was these dudes stories, but problem is, I didn't really care about any of them beforehand so I was just waiting to get the to end. Leik's was the only one of any importance. The other thing that bothered me was the goal switching. After he spent the last two books getting into all of this trouble to stay where he was, him leaving in this book seems rather wasteful. It makes all of his battles the last two books absolutely pointless if he was just going to leave anyway. Even with my qualms, the second book was so good I'm still going to give the next books a chance in the hope they'll be like that one.

Rating: 3

Hexed (Everybody needs a pocket Druid)

This was the book that determined I'd be sticking with this series. From start to finish it was everything I had hoped for by the original description of the series. Atticus is witty and hilarious, Oberon plays off him well and Granuaille is a great balance to the three, smart and eager to learn. The dialogue is nothing short of hilarious and the fights are fantastic, increasing in difficulty and ridiculousness the further you read. The mounting ridiculousness as well as danger makes for a phenomenally fun jaunt through Arizona with everyone's favorite druid.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Atticus Favor Swaps #1: So despite Atticus' claims that he's avoiding trouble (Atticus doth protest too much, methinks) when the god Coyote comes knocking at his door, he gladly offers his help. Considering the demons are partially cleanup for his big messy fight with Aengus Og the previous book, he gets guilt tripped into taking care of a demon who's killing kids at a school. Weeeeell, apparently it's not your run of the mill demon. It's a fallen angel. So luckily his friend the widow MacDonagh is a devout Catholic, so she prays to Mary for him. Which means that Mary pops up in the real world so Atticus has some holy blessed arrows to use in this fight. The battle is messy and apart from killing the big bad demon, Coyote pulls one over on Atticus and he doesn't accomplish a hell of a lot.

Atticus Favor Swaps #2: There are two big compromising factors to Atticus' happy life in Tempe. One of these are Bacchants. Apparently wherever they go, orgies rein and since they're leaving Las Vegas and trying to bring the party to Tempe, it's up to Atticus to stop them. Pesky sex crazed Bacchants and their pesky orgies! Problem is though, their juju works on Atticus. So he needs help. This is where he calls in a favor of Laksha which sets up future problems for him. Laksha agrees to kill the Bacchants, but in return, Atticus has to steal a golden apple from Idunn. Meaning he's got to get involved with the Norse gods. Laksha makes quick work of the Bacchants with her frightening witch powers, but Atticus is stuck dealing with the cops as well as the deal that leads into the next book.

Atticus Favor Swaps #3: Laksha isn't the only one who wants Atticus to mess with the Norse. Leik, his vamp pal, hates Thor and wants Atticus to help him kill the god. That's particularly messy and he doesn't want to, but unfortunately he needs Leik's help. The other big compromising factor to Atticus' happy Tempe life is the Hexenwitches, these German bitches that consort with demons. They mess with him big time, killing his loyal employee Perry. Plus, the other coven of witches that Atticus plays nice with doesn't like the Hexenbitches either. So Atticus swaps favors with Leik to get him to help take out this crazy coven with their demons. A big showdown with witches, a vamp and a druid end in lots of blood flying, lots of weapons flinging and a ton of fire.

So Hexenbitches defeated, Bacchants temporarily staved and Coyote's off cackling to himself, success, right? Even though some threads are tied up this book leaves a LOT of loose ends leading to the next book where there is Valhalla, giant squirrels and the asshat, Thor. The satisfying note to leave on though is Oberon, as was done the book before. The dog's just adorable.

Rating: 4

Hounded (Literally, cos of the Irish Wolfhound)

Upon first look at the blurb of this book, my mind jumped to awesome. Druids? Check. Paranormal hijinks? Check. Witty banter? Check. All the makings for a fantastic story. This being said, the first novel is primarily set up. While the story is entertaining and it served the purpose of getting me to read the next book, most of the first novel is based around setting up the area, the cast and explaining Atticus' past. Which is large, mind you. 2100 years old large. But after awhile, some chunks of it felt like reading a guide to mythology rather than the story itself. Still, Celt mythology has plenty of fascinating stories, so it's still worth a good read. The tone was not as hilarious and pop culture filled as I had initially hoped, but the story was entertaining, the characters eccentric and damnit all, his wolfhound Oberon is adorable.


***SPOILER ALERT***


A Parade of Celtic Gods #1: The first of the big ol' Irish pantheon to show up is the Morrigan. This is the setup for the whole book pretty much. She divines Atticus' death when he's fated to clash with his rival Aengus Og, the god of love. Sounds like a pretty time old story of the gods manipulating mankind. Here's where the fun flavor comes in though: this world not only includes the Celt pantheon, but all pantheons connect to earth. Plus, vamps and werewolves frolic about, most of the time not together. Morrigan herself is exactly what you'd imagine. Either an evil crow or an evil seductress, but all in all a good time.

A Parade of Celtic Gods #2: The next god to visit Atticus is Flidas, goddess of the hunt. Here's where the streams cross with Aengus Og's plotting. When Flidais and her posse, Atticus in wolfy form and his wolfhound Oberon run around trying to hunt mountain goats, they run into a park ranger. A magically compelled park ranger. In turn for his insolence, Flidais has Oberon tear out the man's throat. And following the set up, the police arrive on the scene moments later. Atticus just wants to live in Tempe running his bookstore with his trusty pup at his side, but Aengus is determined to make him run, or fight back. 

A Parade of Celtic Gods #3: After the gods traipse through Atticus' house several more times (including Brigid), the final straw happens when Hal, his werewolf pal and Oberon are kidnapped. Now Atticus is forced to act. While Aengus Og rallied witches at his side, he wasn't prepared for an angry werewolf pack and a pissed off two millenia old druid. The final confrontation pits demons, witches and Aengus Og against him, but it all ends with the witches killed by the werewolves and Aengus Og dead.

Manipulation of the gods, blah blah, Atticus is angry, blah blah. Oh yeah, pissy witches and demons, blah. The important part? The puppy is saved. Which is pretty much the point of the entire book.

Rating: 3

Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead (When Your House Tries to Kill You)

Hm. This one was a tricky book for me. On one hand, I thought the snappy tone was refreshing and fun. On the other hand, the plot wobbled from insanely interesting one moment to a three page diatribe about what she ate that day. On the plus side? Gus is hell of a lot of fun. He's a positive, lively character and without him the book would fall flat. The draw with the house, the possession and all of that lead up was immensely nail-biting and I loved the creepiness and struggle as she explored the house from messed up cellar to creepy attic with a side room. On the negative side...Mara causes a lot of her own problems. Yes, she didn't ask for any of it directly, but at the same point, she invited all of the problems in and served them tea with her best china. There are a lot of points that she's just as well informed as the reader and I'm wondering why she wouldn't just get the hell out.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Mara's Genius Move #1: The girl's got some issues. The book starts out in a really interesting way when the building manager decides she's evicted, pretty much just because she's Wicca. Great intro, good, gripping start with a plausible problem. But she's having these crazy dreams she just can't ignore and the ghost of her father tells her not to use her magic. What does she decide to do? Use her magic of course, because gee golly, listening is for idiots. She uses it to bring her money. WHICH begins most of her problems.
 
Mara's Genius Move #2: So, midway through the book after a fun roundabout of Gus involved escapades, Mara finds out her spell delivered. The impending housing situation? Solved since her Aunt Tillie passed away, leaving her the cottage. Perfect solution, happy ending. Except that the cottage had been cropping up in her dark, horrible dreams all along. The logical solution? Get a job, figure out the money situation and sell the place from a distance. Mara's solution? Let me go LIVE there. Absolute genius, I tell you.

Mara's Genius Move #3: After moving in and getting tormented by the ghost of her Aunt Tillie until she's hospitalized, she finds out Tillie's trying to keep her safe from something. Something her mom tried to protect her from. Something that wants her in the cottage. Since Mara's the munchkin in the patch, she decides to stay and play with the big bad energy. After all, it couldn't really want to harm her, right? Duh. Her ancestor Lisette had some powerful mojo and wanted to reunite with her lover, Lucien. So when Mara invites her crush over and they mess around in the haunted rooms, Lucien and Lisette possess their bodies...which has been the plan from day one.

Luckily, there are smart characters like Gus who come and save the day, performing some demon expelling magic along with a bag of tricks including zombie powder. Happy ending, demons destroyed, guy she likes pretty shaken and hey, she's pregnant from all the boinking Lisette did while borrowing her body! While the plot's a bit all over the place and Mara isn't a great heroine, the other characters are interesting and the fun tone is what really drives the story. However, if you're not picky, like witches and want a fun read? This would fit the bill.

Rating: 3

The Stolen Throne (Welcome to the Loghain Pity Party)

So, I went into this book pretty hopeful. After all, Dragon Age is one of my favorite video games and the writing for it is absolutely phenomenal. However, translating that to fiction didn't work as well. I felt like half the time I was skimming through trying to get past the dreadful pacing of the story with the action scenes that were kinda static. It felt like they were trying to describe the video game rather than reaching for something more.
On the plus side, it was a nice companion to the game. I learned a lot of backstory about Loghain and Maric that makes me want to play again, so did it achieve its goal? Probably.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Misery thy name is Loghain #1: While Maric is the main character, the one of real intrigue is Loghain. The entire book sets up a perfectly logical explanation for his behavior in the game. In fact, I think on replay, I'll probably be rooting for the poor bastard. So Maric starts off bumbling, like Alistair, but without the witty dialogue and any real charm. He's naive and innocent like a dumb puppy and his existence lends to a shitfest of problems to anyone around him. Starting when Loghain runs into him in the woods after Maric's mother was murdered. Poor Loghain tries to do a good deed by bringing him back to camp and gets punished for it by the outlaws who swarm his home looking for Maric, resulting in Gareth, Loghain's dad, biting it.

Misery thy name is Loghain #2: Spurned with a capital S. So, Maric has a betrothed named Rowan. They're BFFs of course, but dense Maric doesn't even see her infatuation and instead boinks some random elven assassin. Go Maric. Meanwhile, Loghain's been getting to know Rowan and comes to care for her deeply. He finally confesses his feelings for her, right when she finds out Maric found a new fuck buddy by way of exotic elven temptress. However, when Loghain tries to leave in the morning, fully mortified and embarrassed, Maric has a hissy fit until he agrees to stay.

Misery thy name is Loghain #3: This was the heart clencher and seals Loghain's future villainy. So, they're taking down the big bad usurper and Maric finds out his elven wench was a spy. Even though it was obvious to everyone else from the start, its all OH! BETRAYAL! WANGST! So to pull Maric out of his depression, Loghain gives up the one good thing he had, Rowan. Oh yeah, they hooked up. Fully in love. But Fereldan needs a queen and Maric's obviously not fit to rule. So Loghain convinces both of them to go for it, despite his own feelings for Rowan. And does Maric finally learn how to be a good friend and lets Loghain have her? Of course not. He marries Rowan and they sire Cailan.

I spent most of this story annoyed with Maric and sympathizing with Loghain. While it's not the best written thing out there, if you wanted an alternate perspective on the bad guy, it's worth it, just to feel for Loghain when you replay the game. Because knowing Cailan is the lovechild of his best friend and old flame, it really helps you understand why he's constantly annoyed with the kid from the start. Plus, Cailan has the same idiocy that plagued Maric throughout the story. Theirin family crest: But daddy, I want to ride the pony!

Rating: 3

Throne of Fire (Kane Family Vacation, complete with doom, doom and more doom)

While the stakes come off kinda cartoonish at times (You have 5 days or else Chaos/End of the World/Boom) it works because of the fun, campy tone to the stories. Sadie and Carter's constant bickering and acting like the teens they are promotes the kind of story where even with high stakes, you're reading less for the drama and more for the fun. Snappy and sassy? Yes. Actually nail biting? Not really, but the tone is more reminiscent of Indiana Jones with kickass adventures and tomb raiding.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Gambling for Tweens #1: Once the Kane siblings find out their all important mission, they head over to Russia with Bes, the dwarf god. However, part of the Book of Ra belongs with Menshikov, who's on board with operation evil. So of course, while they're sneaking around trying to steal the book, he's having a one on one with Set, long distance, Egyptian magician style. When Menshikov realizes they're there, the kids make the first big bet of the book--summoning Set, to save them. Since he's on his own track, neither theirs nor Apophis', the kids take a big risk, but it pays off and he buys them enough time to escape.

Gambling for Tweens #2: The real time gambling took place with Khonsu, over a game of senet where they bet their souls. Craziest part of all this? Parent approved. Actually, parent provided. Khonsu's a creepy, kinda jerk of a dude. He lives for gambling and is known for it and when they bet their souls, trying to play for a couple hours, it results in a really intense game. Worst part of it is when Bes sacrifices himself so the kids can win and Khonsu devours the dwarf god. Even though Khonsu isn't supposed to be the big bad, he comes off way more menacing than anything else in the book.

Gambling for Tweens #3: The biggest chance they took was that with Ra, the doddering old grandpa of a god. This made for a ridiculously hilarious final battle, complete with Ra blowing raspberries at the enemies and asking for weasel cookies. It's hard to maintain any sort of terror with those antics going on in the background.

But the Kane sibs defeat Apophis for the time being, with the help of...well, not Ra, that's for sure. Regardless, the book ends on a fun note again where the entire thing has been another message sent to try and rally more people together for an army against the all powerful Chaos.

Rating: 3

Lies of Locke Lamora (More costume changes than FFX-2)

Upon first introduction to the book, you need to look no further than the name of the series: The Gentlemen Bastard Sequence. That about encompasses the entire book and what a brilliant book it is. Scott Lynch juxtaposes levity with hard knocks seamlessly. While you spend half the story delighted at the sheer cleverness of Locke and his group of thieves, the other half is spent in horror at the dark depths the story takes. The landscape is alien and fantastical and you remember the characters long after the novel ends. The Gentlemen Bastards may not be paragons of honor and virtue, but they're one of the most entertaining groups I've seen in a long while.


***SPOILER ALERT***


A Villain Jamboree #1: First on the list is Don and Dona Salvara. They're not really the villains, just the nobles that Locke and his crew of Merry Men are stealing from. This beginning portion of the book where Locke becomes Lukas Fehrweight and ALSO a Midnighter showcases the brilliance of the Gentlemen Bastards as well as displays the camaraderie of the gang. This section is light, happy and frolick-y.

A Villain Jamboree #2: The Capa Barsavi's section introduces a seriousness to the story, perhaps because when they enter his chambers, he's brutally torturing a man. Now the fun little romp through Camorr suddenly seems to be more dangerous than they originally let on. Barsavi's a little off kilter, but genuinely not that bad by way of crime lords. Nazca's a great character and even though the Capa wants Locke to marry her, you still feel confident that they'll manage to get through all of this based on Locke's cleverness. 

A Villain Jamboree #3: Once we meet the Gray King, it's the figurative long beginning of the end. Where we lose all hope. Where we're desolate, horribly upset. Where the Gray King uses Locke, makes him turn against his Capa, has him beaten within an inch of his life and left for dead. Where the Gray King destroys the Gentlemen's Bastards by stealing their fortune, but worse, by killing the Sanzas, Bug and trying to kill Jean. His brothers. This was a hard bit to read and it keeps getting worse and worse until you're absolutely positive that everyone is going to die. The Gray King manages to knock off half the characters introduced in the book and reduce Locke to a soggy mess. But Locke stops him, and fights him one on one at the end, taking vengeance on his fallen brothers.

Some of the finest scenes involve the rituals of the Gentlemen Bastards, the prayers they say to the Crooked God, their repeated sayings. All of it makes them such a tight knit group which is why it all crumbles. The theme of this book is definitely revenge and it's threaded into the very marrow of the city they live in, Camorr. And when Locke takes his revenge? It's a triumph that nearly knocks you breathless.

Rating: 5