Weekly Wednesday MFK: the Mortal Instruments

The Mortal Instruments

An excellent series of snarks and Shadowhunters, as one of my newer favorites, it definitely needed to take a spin in the MFK chair. 

Girls: Clary, Isabelle, Maia

Guys: Jace, Magnus Bane, Alec

My Take:

Girls:
Clary- Marry.Well, if she could remain dedicated to Jace even when she thought they were siblings, that shows some commitment, right? Plus I have a soft side for redheads.
Isabelle- Fuck. Isabelle's a little firebrand and has the attention span of a fish, which would be fine for the bedroom, but no bueno for anything longer lasting.
Maia- Kill. Aside from her random backstory about hating pretty boys, she comes off as grumbly most of the time and just as biased as the rest of them.

Guys:
Jace- Fuck. He knows how to flirt and play games which would definitely be an asset in the bedroom. Plus, if I had to deal with his impertinence all the time...he'd end up hung from the rafters.
Magnus Bane- Marry. Can you say free warlock services for life? Plus, he knows what he wants and isn't afraid to push a little. The glitter might get a little old after awhile, but you know he'd always change things up. 
Alec- Kill. On top of being whiny about Magnus for most of the books, his wishy washiness is a turn off. Sorry Alec, you're getting das boot.

N7_2501's Take:

Girls:
Clary- Kill. Sorry dear. But it's okay. I feel there would too much vanilla sex followed by lots of holding and what are you thinkings.
Isabelle- Fuck. The Fuck is pretty obvious in this one, Isabella. Sure she's gorgeous but there's also something under the surface there, a little to much potential cray-cray for me. I'm sure she's a great time in bed, she carries a whip to go grocery shopping for gods' sake, so I can't pass up the chance but I'm not sure if I'm up for helping her to work through her 'issues', middle child syndrome and all that. I'd keep her in my phone but I'm not sure if I'd accept a friend request on Facebook... unless there were a lot of pictures.
Maia- Marry. hmmmm.... I'm gonna have to go with Maia. She just seems like she has her shit a bit more together and she's already been through a lot so you know she can handle herself. And she's a werewolf so hiking and camping are probably totally her thing. And she's just got more sauce.

Guys:
Jace- Marry. Sure, he's full of himself but what half angelic gorgeous looking Olympic grade athletic seventeen year old demon slayer with superpowers isn't? And unlike Magnus Bane, he's not eight hundred years old, he'll grow out of it... eventually.
Magnus Bane- Fuck. Dude's way too out there to pass up a chance to see what kind of freaky shit he's into. I'm almost tempted to say Marry, but he's just a little too full of himself for my taste.
Alec- Kill. He's just too emo and mopey for me. I know some people like that kind of thing but me, not so much. I'd much rather spend the next fifty years dealing with Jace's assholery than tackle the cornucopia of neurosis that's gonna spill out of that guy in his mid teens.

Insurgent (Tris's Got a Gun--But Won't Use It)

First off, I'd like to say that Divergent was phenomenal. One thing Veronica Roth does very well as an author is her brilliant twists.The plot races around just as much in this one and the cliffhanger ending does a lot to make you want to read more. One thing that did change though from Divergent to Insurgent is the tone of the book as well as the tone of Tris' character.Tris's character in Divergent had seemed kind of callous, but when you place her in the setting of the Dauntless, its diminished because you have a lot of people who are like that and are shoving their emotions down to be brave. And then her actions prove her to go above and beyond the other people around her so she's admirable even though she can be really rough around the edges. However, in Insurgent, she goes between tears and coldness most of the time and it becomes tougher to empathize with her character. One second its snotty sniffles into a bucket of tissues and the next she's angry with other people for crying. The jumps get hard to keep track of, but the plot still moved at an interesting pace and she stepped up in the end.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Faction Hopping 101 #1: They start out in Amity and quickly we learn just how well Dauntless fit in when everyone's a hippie peacenik. Tris lasts a record short amount of time before she's injected with happy juice, which lead to a quite precious sequence of her being...NICE...gasp. But Amity only lasts so long before they get the boot again, next to Candor, where they're also not welcome. It seems everywhere they turn, Eric, Erudite, or someone they know is looping around the corner, shaking a gun at them and giving them hell.


Faction Hopping 101 #2: On a cool twist, we finally meet Tobias's mother who was supposed to have died. She was factionless instead though and we're introduced to this whole separate world outside of the factions. Unlike the horrible rumors and bus stop menagerie we see in Divergent, this book gives us a new glimpse into the Factionless. It's a thriving community, one that's only growing by the second. And one which we find out, is pissed from being ex-communicated from the rest.

Faction Hopping 101 #3: Although Tris had a brief stint in Erudite as Jeanine's prisoner, the end wraps up like the first one, back at Erudite's headquarters to knock down their fearless leader a couple pegs. But when everyone drops down on agendas, Four and the rest and following the factionless plan, which seems suspicious and a little too brutal for Tris's tastes. (Even though she had no problem with brutal in the first book -_-) However even when Tobias's mother pulls her sudden but inevitable betrayal at the end, the book ties up on one kicker of a twist.

While none of the characters appeal to me too greatly, the world's a fascinating one and the plot twists make for a fun read. Would I go wait in a line to buy this book? Nah. But I'd definitely check it out when the next one hits the shelves. 

Rating: 3

Chase Tinker and the House of Magic (Aryan Bad Guys? That's a Twist!)

This book was exactly what I think of when Middle Grade comes to mind. Two young boys discover they have powers while their dad's missing and their magical grandfather comes along and whisks them to this ridiculously awesome house full of magic rooms and adventure. They find out they have extra family they didn't know about and get to exercise their powers in the house of Tinker, a gigantic, constantly evolving place. The tone reminds me of early MG where the tone is very light and even though things upset them, it's a time of black and white and even on adventures they don't fully understand the repercussions of their actions. Chase is a likeable lead and his brother Andy, his cousin Janie and Persephone make for a motley crew.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Chase and Crew's Discovery #1: The magic. Chase and his brother are worried about their missing father, but amidst it all discover they have magical powers. Chase can make things move with his mind and Andy can freeze time. Like clockwork, their grandfather shows up to explain said magical powers and whisk them away to his castle of fun delights. Creepy, right? The grandfather's a great character and even though they haven't known him well, they quickly step into the role of troublesome grandsons.

Chase and Crew's Discovery #2: Once they find out that House Tinker has enemies, Aryan enemies in fact, (blonde hair, blue eyes) Chase and crew take it upon themselves to help grandpa out, even if he doesn't want it. Using the variety of rooms to their advantage, the kids manage to go back in time to stop Original Tinker from losing the shard from the Relic. All their trip through time does is make the kids fight more though and their group splinters apart, urged onward by the arrival of James, Janie's evil brother.

Chase and Crew's Discovery #3: The best discoveries came at the end, because they pulled the twists well. Most of the book was very straightforward, so I wasn't expecting any real twists, just kids playing around in a giant magical house and having fun. So the entire time, Doctor Dan's been creepy and all of the kids think he's the bad guy. Turns out, he's not and he ends up helping them towards the end. The biggest surprise happens when they reveal where their dad's been all along. He's been cross dressing as Aunt Clair, since his ability involves changing faces. Aunt Clair died trying to save Ben so he took it upon himself to spent some time examining his ladylike side.

Good, easy read and it fits the Middle Grade category perfectly. Aryan bad guys, Gender-bending fathers, who could ask for more?

Rating: 4 

*I received this book for review purposes

Weekly Wednesday MFK: A Game of Thrones

Since Game of Thrones has a veritable fuckton of characters, let's take this one book at a time, starting with the first.

Girls:

 Daenerys Targaryen, Cersei Lannister, Catelyn Stark

Guys:

Eddard Stark, Khal Drogo, Jaime Lannister


My Take:

Girls:
Daenerys-Marry. Rightful queen, plus mother of the dragons? She made a kickass wife to Khal Drogo, what's to say she wouldn't do the same for me?
Cersei-Fuck. She's insane. I'll go with the standby that it always makes for a good time. Even if she's into the brother-lovin'.
Catelyn-Kill. Even though she had some cool moments, she's the queen of bad decisions and keeps sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong. Goodbye Cat, I won't miss you. 

Guys:
Eddard Stark- Marry. Aside from his minor wartime infidelity, this guy is like, loyalty personified. And let's be honest, who wouldn't cheat on Catelyn? Even though he doesn't play the game well, it'd be good while it lasted.
Khal Drogo- Fuck. He's an expert at taking the spoils of war, but even Dothraki can be trained. After all, it wasn't until Daenerys took charge in the bedroom that their relationship starting looking up.
Jaime Lannister- Kill. Even though he may have the looks and the swordsmanship to woo many women, he's a snake and I'd be too worried he'd slit my throat during anything to even consider. 

Anuksuna's Take:
From Wolfie's

Girls:
Daenerys- Fuck. I'd get to have a threesome with Daenerys and Drogo!
Cersei- Kill. She's a crazy bitch, so we need to get her out of the picture so she's not monopolizing Jaime.
Catelyn- Marry. Secretly marry her to hopefully build influence in the north.

Guys:
Eddard Stark- Kill.Sean Bean=Death. Plus, after his demise, it leaves Catelyn open for marriage.
Khal Drogo- Fuck. All a part of that Daenerys/Drogo threesome.
Jaime Lannister- Marry. With Cersei out of the picture, I can marry Jaime and earn the wealth of Casterly Rock.

Weekly Wednesday MFK: Dresden Files

In honor of Jim Butcher's new Dresden coming out, I figured we'd focus our MFK on Dresden characters today. Again another series with about a bazillion characters, this will definitely have to be revisited.

Girls:

Murphy, Molly, Susan

Guys:

Harry, Kincaid, Thomas

My Take:

Girls:

Murphy- Fuck.The chica can throw giants of men on their backs with her judo moves. She's gotta be some kind of firebrand in the bedroom.
Molly- Marry. First off, Molly started out adorable punky hottie and has recently morphed to badass, but she's got that commitment bone in her body since she's Michael and Charity's daughter, plus, you'd have the coolest in-laws.
Susan- Kill. Because I'm still bitter about the way she handled some things and some secrets that she kept. Also, because the fuck and marry routes don't really work when you've got a not-quite-turned red vampire in your bed.

Guys:

Harry- Marry.This guy reinvented the white knight complex, so you can swear by your pretty floral bonnet, that Harry Dresden will protect your ass- even if he's the reason why hellfire and brimstone's raining your way in the first place.
Kincaid- Kill. Murph may dig jumping those bones, but emotionless giant is not my type of dude. Plus, he hops the good guy/bad guy fence based on the book.
Thomas- Fuck. Hot and horny White Court, Batman! Are you kidding me? With a sexual beast like Thomas, there's no other choice than to fuck, even though he's an energy sapping vampire that feeds on lustful frenzies.

BerzerkerTiki's Take:

Girls:

Murphy-Marry. Wouldn't you, after watching her take out a chlorofiend with a chainsaw?
Molly- Fuck. The new definition of mindfuck.!!!
Susan-Kill. Something's a little freaky about her losing her shit and eating me mid-coitus.

Guys:

Harry-Marry. He's the ultimate white knight. I mean, he "died doing the right thing."
Kincaid-Kill. Two reasons: Ruiner of all things Murph and Dresden, plus, end of Changes. Enough said.
Thomas- Fuck. Thomas pre- or post-crazy?

Weekly Wednesday MFK: Harry Potter

Gotta hit all the superstar books first! Don't worry, Harry Potter has so many characters we'll be doing several rounds on this series.

Girls:

Hermione, Ginny, Luna

Guys:

Harry, Ron, Neville

My Take:

Girls:
Hermione-Kill. Someone needed to take her out. While she did have her good points, after only a day she'd be correcting or lecturing you. Which means I'd strangle her in a matter of minutes. 
Ginny- Marry. Ginny's strong, patient and part of the awesome Weasley family. How could you not want to marry her?
Luna-Fuck. Crazy is always an interesting time. 

Guys:
Harry-Marry. He's Harry Potter, defeater of Voldemort. Who wouldn't want to stick with this Gryffindor champ? Plus, as someone who's focused his entire life to fighting the Dark Lord, you know he wouldn't run screaming at commitment.
Ron-Kill. One word: whiny. Sorry Ron, being a Weasley doesn't save everyone. Avada Kedavra to you too. 
Neville-Fuck. He grew from meek and kind of useless to the biggest badass in the last book. Major points.

Gingersplosion's Take:

Girls:
Hermione-Kill. It was close, but Luna won out.
Ginny- Marry. Duty to ginger population and let's be honest, she's a freaking badass chick who gets shit done.
Luna- Fuck. I'm curious about what Luna's like in bed. That would be a once in a lifetime experience. And she's just too adorable!

Guys:
Harry- Kill. I am definitely the most important person in my relationships. Couldn't have that if I was with the "Chosen One."
Ron- Fuck. It's my duty to try and keep the ginger population going.
Neville-Marry. Puberty did him well. Plus, he sticks up for what he believes in which would be me if we were married.

The Duchess of the Shallows (The Land of Many Boy Whores)

I'm very torn about this book, because there are things I definitively liked and things I didn't. The world in which Duchess lives is very well planned out and the different sections of the town seem like characters unto themselves. However, the explanations in the beginning bogged down the pacing, so it takes a good chunk of the beginning for the plot of the book to pick up pace. However like most slow burners do, it picks up the pace and gets into very well handled intrigue. Duchess is a fantastically competent character and the authors show how adept she is by the choices she makes and questions she asks--or doesn't. My biggest issue happened near the end and the scene destroyed her character for me.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Trial of the Gray #1: Duchess frolics through her hometown as a different person the moment she gets a certain coin. This apparently is her ticket to something bigger, the Gray, the spy network. So, she ditches the baker she worked for and decides to try her luck with the coin, leading her to Hector's lair. The job he sets out for her is a tricky one though, considering she's just been a baker all these years. Steal a knife from a noble before the big reveal at a party. Not just anyone can get into the Gray, but Duchess doesn't waver.

Trial of the Gray #2: In my opinion, this was the most fascinating part of the book. When she played tiles with Minette to get more information about how to get into the castle, Duchess's smarts are really on display. She proves herself to be quite resourceful and the events leading up to the castle were engaging and compelling. Duchess puts all of her pieces into play while she plots the thievery of the knife, aided by Minette. Once she gets into the castle too, the way she handles the cook in charge, making sure she appears to be competent, but not too competent adds to her character.

Trial of the Gray #3: Duchess ditches Lysander (which upset me greatly) but manages to steal the knife. She travels back to Lysander's place and waits until he comes back. Once he does, only a little roughed up, they try to hang like normal, but the spark of friendship doesn't quite flicker once you've abandoned your friends to the wolves. The scene between Duchess and Uncle Cornelius displays more of why they chose her to be a part of the Gray (that adeptness and ability for manipulation) and Duchess ends the book with the prospect of a new life ahead of her.

One scene soured me and that was when Lysander, her best friend, helps create the distraction. These guards come and threaten to hurt him--horribly--but even though Duchess hears, she makes the conscious choice to leave. This anti-heroic behavior can be worked around for sure, say if she ended up changing her mind and coming back for him, or nabbing the knife and then returning to save him. But instead, she just goes back to his place and waits. He conveniently only gets out of the situation with a couple bruises because some guards stumbled in on him. That being said, if you're someone who doesn't mind their main characters of the anti-hero sort, I'd check the book out. The writing was solid and the story had an abundance of intrigue.

Rating: 3


*I received this book for review purposes