Weekly Wednesday MFK: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Time to delve into a little more SciFi with Hitchhiker's Guide!!!

Humanoids:

Arthur Dent, Ford Prefect, Tricia McMillan

Robots:

Marvin, Deep Thought, Sirius Cybernetics Shipboard Computer

My Take:

Humanoids:

Arthur Dent- Marry. Not only is it an obligation to continue the species since he's the last man alive, but he's kind of mild mannered and sweet which is a plus in terms of marriageability.
Ford Prefect-Fuck. He's been around the galaxy so I'd definitely want to take a spin. But I think he'd be so involved in his research that it'd be tough to pull anything long term.
Tricia McMillan- Kill. She's not going to contribute a hella lot, so she may as well get knocked off. 

Robots:

Marvin- Fuck. Too depressive to deal with on a regular basis, but all that misery may turn into an interesting robo fling. Or it could be utterly droll, but either way, it's an exciting shot in the dark.
Deep Thought- Kill.While the machine is brilliant, if I ask the wrong question, it may take five million years to get back to me. I'd have gotten bored and wandered off well before ever getting the answer.
Sirius Cybernetics Shipboard Computer- Marry. Hey, this thing is programmed for companionship. Plus, I can definitely deal with all the pep and concern that this machine emits. Out of the robots, I think it's best suited for marriage.

Miss Gallifrey's Take:


Humanoids:

Arthur Dent- Fuck. He's the last earth man left
Ford Prefect- Marry- He knows his way around the universe and has a lot of useful information in certain situations
Tricia McMillan- Kill. She's of no use to me.

Robots:

Marvin- Kill. That's what he really wants anyway. And it would be too depressing to have him around all the time.
Deep Thought- Marry. It knows pretty much everything so the conversations would never be boring.
Sirius Cybernetics Shipboard Computer- Fuck. I'm sure there's lots of buttons to push :D

Vampire Academy (Beware of those scary dead animals, oh blood-sucking vampire)

Apart from the general bloodsuckiness, blood whore accusations and magical shenanigans, St. Vladmir's Academy appears like any other high school: full of drama, gossip and cliques. Rose is sassy which means I like her, even if she's a little full of herself sometimes. Dimitri's definitely a plus in the story. As a hardass trainer with a Russian accent, it's only to follow that she'd be attracted. The Moroi/Dhampir relationship's fresh and it makes up for the kinda anticlimax about the Strigoi. We hear a lot about them, but since they don't actually do much throughout the book, it doesn't really grip us with terror. The only thing that kept coming up at the mention of Strigoi was the thought that it sounds a whole lot like Strega.

***SPOILER ALERT***

 Let's Mess with Lissa #1: The book starts off with Rose taking her bodyguarding duty seriously and continues that way. When they return to St. Vlad's, the problems for Lissa start almost at once. Lissa's a gentle (i.e. weak) soul that dredges up every ounce of protectiveness in Rose, which is good because it gives her a likeable, responsible side to balance out the impulsive decisions and backtalking. The first attempt to seriously screw with Lissa's head though starts with the dead animals on her bed. This sends Lissa off into a spiral that Rose knows and can feel, but doesn't know how to stop. 

Let's Mess with Lissa #2: In case there weren't already enough problems dealing with the rumors that circulated after they escaped, a short chick, Mia, decides to make their lives hell. While at first she just throws around damaging rumors, Mia aims to hurt Lissa by targeting Rose. The blood whore rumor spreads around school. Rose handles it, but the whole situation pushes Lissa over the edge. She decides to quell the rumor by using compulsion like whoa. Lissa goes from being weak to Miss Socialite, buzzing around and manipulating the other nobles. Not any of which is helping her mental state.

Let's Mess with Lissa #3: The cherry on top of the Lissa shit sundae is Victor, who appeared a kindly old dude for most of the book. But turns out, he's dying and wants Lissa's healing juju to help keep him alive. Not a one time dealie either, he wants his own pet healer. Rose doesn't dig this in the slightest. Luckily it's her bond with Lissa that saves the day since she manages to place herself in Lissa's body for enough time to figure out where she's at. They find out all of the stuff that's been going on to push Lissa over the edge has been Victor's doing with the help of "nice" Natalie.

We finally meet the Strigoi at the end of the book in the form of Natalie turned crazypants. However, she's too much for Rose to take on and Dimitri storms in cowboy style and saves the day. Dimitri and Rose leave a lot of intrigue since after getting hot and heavy they can't be together. Not if both of them are going to be guardians to Lissa. (Man, Lissa, you're raining on the love parade) Still, a fun first entry into the world that definitely entices me to read on.

Rating: 4

Weekly Wednesday MFK: Harry Potter Part 2

Time for Harry Potter to take another spin, this time with the adult good guys in the series!

Girls:

Nymphadora Tonks, Minerva McGonagall, Molly Weasley

Guys:

Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Arthur Weasley

My Take:

Girls:

Nymphadora Tonks- Marry. Tonks is just....awesome. Between her excellent fighting abilities and ever-changing hair, she'd just be an incredibly fun person to bring along for the ride. Being married to her would never be boring!
Minerva McGonagall- Kill. Sorry McGonagall. While you had some badass moments, you played it safe much too often and therefore you fall under the guillotine today!
Molly Weasley- Fuck. She must have some charms in the sack. After all, look at how many children she popped out. Obviously Mr. Weasley managed to score one spicy redhead.

Guys:

Sirius Black- Marry. He was wrongly locked up, but Sirius is a bad boy you can keep. After all, when he got the chance, he proved himself to be an excellent godfather to Harry.
Remus Lupin- Fuck. He's got to have a violent, wild side in the bedroom if a. he can keep Tonks happy and b. he turns into a werewolf.
Arthur Weasley- Kill. Poor, sweet, dear Mr. Weasley. He's an awesome character, although sometimes he needed to nut up a bit more. Unfortunately compared to the other two, he doesn't hold a candle.

Captain Redbeard's Take:

Girls:

Nymphadora Tonks- Fuck. Why? Cos she's not old and would probably be good for a roll in the hay. 
Minerva McGonagall- Marry. She's old and probably has good insurance.
Molly Weasley- Kill. Sorry Weasleys, but hey, half of you end up dead or injured so what's one more?

Guys:

Sirius Black- Fuck. Arbitrary choice!
Remus Lupin- Kill. General wolfiness!!
Arthur Weasley- Marry. Because he's a ginger. Plus, I'm not marrying a werewolf.

City of Glass (Bad dye job: Supreme Indicator of Evil)

Final installation was more fun than riding a rhino across a beach.While Cassie Clare's strengths lie not in surprising plot twists, this novel abounded with more of that lusciously snarky dialogue. Always a plus. I collect quotes from her books like a dragon does treasure. While the Mortal Instruments books themselves keep going on for another three, this trilogy wrapped up here, including all of the major loose ends. End Boss is Valentine and he's wielding all of the fancy instruments of destruction! Sounds like a plot straight from a Final Fantasy game!

***SPOILER ALERT***

Welcome to the Emerald City, I mean Idris #1: Instead of someone at the gates to the Emerald City, we've got the new Inspector (who oddly reminds me of a Munchkin) dealing with keeping Downworlders and unwanteds out. That means Simon gets screwed over almost immediately, only mildly deceived by the dripping cheeriness of Aldertree. Clary and Luke run into similar problems and have to stick to the outskirts of Idris so they won't be thrown in prison like dear old Simon. Seriously, that poor boy can't catch a break.

Welcome to the Emerald City, I mean Idris #2: One of the biggest quests in this book (which is seeming more and more video gameish by the second, not that I mind) is breaking into Valentine and Jace's old house to find a book that Magnus Bane needs. If Clary manages to do this, she wins a trip to Hawaii! Oh yeah, and can wake her mom up from the coma which is all she's been trying to do since book one. So even though her and Jace are having issues (honestly, couldn't tell you why since it's always one thing or another), they follow the not quite yellow brick road to Valentine's house!

Welcome to the Emerald City, I mean Idris #3: Jace and Sebastian have a kickass sendoff, but meanwhile, Valentine's throwing his big plot into motion by finding the mirror, last of the instruments. The big battle between demons and the Shadowhunters ensues, but Clary slips away to stop Valentine and find Jace. For someone who thought out every step of the way and even sacrificed his surrogate-son in the effort (Jace), he surprisingly didn't think that an ANGEL, bringer of all things good and loverly, would object to the trail of bodies and dark, demon-y mayhem he's caused. Come on dude. Luckily, that means good news for the heroes and like the Wicked Witch of the West, water (the mirror) helps contribute to his destruction.

Oh thank god the incest drama is done. By book two we could diminish the ew factor because Cassie Clare smacked the message into our face that these two were not related. But the reveal of why they have the abilities and powers they do was a fun explanation and played a lot of the light and dark mythos that prevails throughout the book. And Sebastian was all sorts of slimy nastiness, of course, actively pursuing his sister...although he knew it was his sister. Despite the killing of Max, poor neglected child, everyone else lives happily ever after. They attend a celebration for the defeat of Valentine at the end which ties up all the remaining threads and drops the story on a great positive beat. 

Rating: 4

Brightest Kind of Darkness (Tweenage love meets Final Destination)

This book was a half and half for me. On the plus, I thought the writing was well done, particularly in the beginning of the book. Nara starts out as a strong main character. Even with crap going on in her life, she still tries to do the right thing, she stands up for herself and handles her oddity of seeing her day through her dreams quite well. Ethan starts out great too, it seems like they're on even footing. But after the midway point, it shrivels like a grape left out in the sun too long.

Dream Oddity #1: The first dream that differentiates from her norm starts at the beginning of the book when she realizes that a bomb is going to go off in her school and calls in the threat. This starts the sequence of events that propels the entire book. After all, Ethan was supposed to die and a great many of her friends were supposed to get badly injured. When this doesn't happen, her dreams change. After all, she's rarely dared interfere with what's to come before.

Dream Oddity #2: Ethan, a newer kid at school, doesn't appear in her dreams. She's drawn to him from the start which precipitates the romance to follow (which could've been good but went kind of south). First off, ever since she meets him, she gets flashes of disgusting things, monsters (which are part of his magical mojo) but he's also the start of her not getting her dreams any more (also his fault). They fall in love and through the book it's revealed that when he's around her, he doesn't soak up people's negativity, but she also doesn't get to have her preview of the day any more.

Dream Oddity #3: Her dreams start going off the rails and things happen in real life that didn't happen in the dreams. As they challenge the force that's trying to kill her, things keep turning out differently in her dreams and changing. Since Ethan is the one seeing her dreams (which seems a little stalkerish IMO) he's surprised when he doesn't see sections, like when Fate decided to attack her in the bathroom and knock her down. All of these changes lead to the final confrontation when it/he/Fate nearly kills her.

My big qualm was Fate as a bad guy. Yes, it's been done in Final Destination. And those movies are cheesy/fun, bad movies. Every interaction where Nara challenged him seemed rather silly. Go away, Fate! *shakes fist in the air* Plus, when he manifests and talks to her? Conversing with such a strong, omnipresent force comes off as comical, not serious. My other issue was personality. In the beginning, Nara was a great character, but after the midway point she turns sniveling and passive, constantly having to be saved by Ethan. Not a good way to win points in the heroine category.

Rating: 3

Weekly Wednesday MFK: Sword of Truth

There's a fair amount of awesome characters in the Sword of Truth books, their TV show counterparts included. So I figured it was about time for this series to take a turn.


Girls:

Kahlan, Cara, Denna

Guys:

Richard, Chase, Warren

My Take:

Kahlan- Kill. Kahlan got whiny after awhile. The whole white maiden damsel in distress thing kinda falls short in comparison to badass women in leather, even if they're reformed evil. Sorry Confessor, it's your time to go.
Cara- Marry. Helpful even with an attitude and looks good in red leather. I could spend a long time Cara and I'd never say it was boring.
Denna- Fuck. What can I say. I like pain?

Richard- Kill. I would say fuck, but after that ghost banging scene with Kahlan, Richard is obviously very inexperienced.
Chase- Marry. He's amazing from day one. Loyal, helpful and an awesome father to Rachel once they take her in. This guy is the marrying type.
Warren- Fuck. He seems to know what he's doing after all those years. I'd take a spin.

Dalekette Take:

Kahlan- Sorry Kahlan, I loved you in the beginning. I truly did. However, after eleven books I can't take your shit anymore. There are only so many thousands of pages I can listen to you whine about Richard and I lost my patience around Temple of the Winds. Peace.
Cara- Marry. While it may be a tumultous marriage I think Cara is awesome. As mord-sith our love life will be fucking fantastic. You also see a lot of heart in Cara as the books progress and she is loyal to those she loves to the very end.
Denna- Like Cara, Denna is a sister of the mord-sith so as well versed as she is in the art of giving pain, she is equally adept at the art of giving pleasure. No contest.

Richard- Kill. So yes, I'm killing off the two main characters. I was done with Richard the moment he decided to drag Kahlan back to Westland when she was unconcious. Abandonding the people of Midland because they didn't act the way he wanted was childish.
Chase- Fuck. While he was a slightly older guy, he was in damn good shape. Hell yeah, Chase.
Warren- Marry. While marrying a wizard with a talent for prophecy may cause a relationship to develop a few quirks, I'd marry Warren. He is such an intelligent, sweet guy and shows nothing but loyalty and devotion to Verna.

Weekly Wednesday MFK: The Hobbit

Since the Hobbit just came out, I figured we'd give it a spin. And then I realized there are virtually no chicks in the Hobbit, so it looks like we're just spinning the MFK wheel with dwarves and hobbits today. Since we can't split it up by gender, we'll split it up by species.

Dwarves:

Thorin, Balin, Kili

Assortment of Weird:

Bilbo, Gollum, Gandalf


My Take:

Dwarves:

Thorin- Marry. He's taller for a dwarf and a pretty noble dude. Plus, as the son of a king and heir to Erebor, when he ascends, that means queen-itude for me! 
Balin- Kill. Sorry old dude. Not a big fan of dwarves in general, let alone ancient ones.
Kili- Fuck. In the books he's one of the youngest and has a lot of energy. In the movies, he's played by freakin' Aidan Turner, who's gorgeous. Easy one there.

Assortment of Weird:

Bilbo- Fuck. He's adventurous for a hobbit, so I suppose he'd be a better lay than your average Shire man. Plus, he's clever, which is always a good quality in a lay.
Gollum- Kill. Shriveled, insane and probably asexual, Gollum wouldn't be sane enough to leave alive. He'd try to kill you in your sleep or if he was in a favorable mood, might leave a raw and wriggling fish on your pillow.
Gandalf- Marry. He's got power, man. Even if he's super old and wrinkly, he spends all of the Hobbit saving the merry band's asses. He can pull a lot more than parlor tricks, so the marriage would have its perks.

Anuksuna's Take:
From Wolfie's

Dwarves:

Thorin- Marry. Because he's amazing.
Balin- Kill. Sorry, Balin.
Kili- Fuck. He seems like he'd be fun in bed!

Assortment of Weird:

Bilbo- Marry. I will live in a hobbit hole and magically transform into a hobbit!
Gollum- Kill. He's suffered enough already.
Gandalf- Fuck. Gandalf probably hasn't gotten any in forever!