October Rain (Not to be mistaken with the Guns N Roses power ballad)

From start to finish in this book, Mars is a gritty, unwelcoming place. Everything is breaking down, hell, society is breaking down and folks are trying to leave. Including Steele and his family. His bounty hunter job for the government that he hides from his family reminds me of Repo (The genetic opera, not the movie) where there's a tough balance between familial deception and protection. The world's really well fleshed out, even though it's desolate and the plot's tight which works well for this novella. 

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

Steele Really Hates Mars #1: Steele absolutely loves his government and is doing one last job for them. Yeah right, he can't wait to get the hell outta Dodge. His plan is to pack his family on the next shuttle off Mars and take them to his folks' farm. That way he can cut his ties with the world he hates, a government he thinks is corrupt as shit and finally live a normal life rather than a double one, hiding his real career from his wife and little girl.

Steele Really Hates Mars #2: He follows leads, most of them going in nice roundabouts, leaving a trail of bodies as he goes. Finally, he manages to make it to the tunnels with a clear idea of where Pierce is. Down there he fights some big ol' mean monster, yet another reason people stopped mining down there. Once he gets to the lab though, he fights and kills man, thinking it to be his twin brother, Pierce. Funny thing though, it's not. In a great twist, it's a clone which mean's Pierce is steps ahead of him.

Steele Really Hates Mars #3:  Steele races back home to his family, but already knows he's too late. His brother planned this out perfectly, pretty much taking his identity and ensuring that Steele's wiped off the map. (taking his fingerprints, making sure Steele's are screwed up) Pierce boards the shuttle with Steele's wife and children, leaving our protagonist helpless to do anything but watch as his evil twin brother assumes his identity and takes over everything good in his life, leaving him in the place he loathes.

I loved the tie-in with the October rain at the end and I loved how the plot circles back to the beginning scene where we originally find Steele a crumpled, bleeding wreck, staring out at a city that he hates more than anything. A tight plot and a very well developed world make this a fun read.

Rating: 4

The Blemished (Headwraps aren't just for Hippies anymore)

Welcome to the U.K. where GEMs, otherwise known as clones are held up as perfection and the regular folks are Blemished, forced to work menial tasks and serve the beautiful ones. The story enters into a great, original world and you really empathize with the main character, Mina's trials. Even their reproductive rights are compromised as Blemished, which really contributes into the whole grim feel of the world. The different rules and regulations that are put on normal humans even makes it stand out. In fact, the only real issue I had with the story is that occasionally the dialogue would come off very stiff and some of the scenes tended to jump too much.

***SPOILER ALERT***

Murder-Troll stirs up trouble #1: Sebastian seems like your regular good guy in a sea of perfectly vicious GEMs. He stands out when he's kind to Mina even though she's a Blem. Likewise, with her being unused to that kind of attention, she naturally finds herself drawn to this pretty boy. However, interaction between the two sects is strictly forbidden and their teacher Murgatroyd lurks in the corner, interrupting any chance they have together. First at school the teacher stops them from interacting and then when they go on a pseudo date, Murder-Troll gets all up in their rear view mirror. 

Murder-Troll stirs up trouble #2: Mina disregards the stigma against her and Sebastian and begins meeting up with him after hours. Even though she's got feelings for Daniel, she doesn't want to pursue them because her friend Angela liked him first. Welp, of course in a highly regulated society like this, her midnight excursions with the purty GEM boy get noticed. By good ol' creeper Murgatroyd too. In order to teach Mina a lesson, she cuts off her hair in front of the class. But this action sparks a reaction in Daniel, who's been falling for Mina the whole time. And he makes a dumb decision to trash Murder-Troll's house.

Murder-Troll stirs up trouble #3: Due to Daniel and Mina's ill advised foray into becoming taggers, Murgatroyd takes revenge the easy way, by setting the Enforcers, aka cops, on them. Blems who commit a crime like that get strung up on Sundays and they're forced to run. After a weird side trip to Uncanny Valley with Sebastian's GEM family in their farmhouse on the outskirts, they're back on the lam again. Because in this world, teenage rebelliousness=death.

The world was unique and the story itself was really interesting. I love what was done with this dystopian universe. Apart from the characters sometimes coming off as flat/unrealistic, it was a cool foray into dystopia with a splash of Scottish near the end. 

Rating: 3 

*I received this book for review purposes

Brightest Kind of Darkness (Tweenage love meets Final Destination)

This book was a half and half for me. On the plus, I thought the writing was well done, particularly in the beginning of the book. Nara starts out as a strong main character. Even with crap going on in her life, she still tries to do the right thing, she stands up for herself and handles her oddity of seeing her day through her dreams quite well. Ethan starts out great too, it seems like they're on even footing. But after the midway point, it shrivels like a grape left out in the sun too long.

Dream Oddity #1: The first dream that differentiates from her norm starts at the beginning of the book when she realizes that a bomb is going to go off in her school and calls in the threat. This starts the sequence of events that propels the entire book. After all, Ethan was supposed to die and a great many of her friends were supposed to get badly injured. When this doesn't happen, her dreams change. After all, she's rarely dared interfere with what's to come before.

Dream Oddity #2: Ethan, a newer kid at school, doesn't appear in her dreams. She's drawn to him from the start which precipitates the romance to follow (which could've been good but went kind of south). First off, ever since she meets him, she gets flashes of disgusting things, monsters (which are part of his magical mojo) but he's also the start of her not getting her dreams any more (also his fault). They fall in love and through the book it's revealed that when he's around her, he doesn't soak up people's negativity, but she also doesn't get to have her preview of the day any more.

Dream Oddity #3: Her dreams start going off the rails and things happen in real life that didn't happen in the dreams. As they challenge the force that's trying to kill her, things keep turning out differently in her dreams and changing. Since Ethan is the one seeing her dreams (which seems a little stalkerish IMO) he's surprised when he doesn't see sections, like when Fate decided to attack her in the bathroom and knock her down. All of these changes lead to the final confrontation when it/he/Fate nearly kills her.

My big qualm was Fate as a bad guy. Yes, it's been done in Final Destination. And those movies are cheesy/fun, bad movies. Every interaction where Nara challenged him seemed rather silly. Go away, Fate! *shakes fist in the air* Plus, when he manifests and talks to her? Conversing with such a strong, omnipresent force comes off as comical, not serious. My other issue was personality. In the beginning, Nara was a great character, but after the midway point she turns sniveling and passive, constantly having to be saved by Ethan. Not a good way to win points in the heroine category.

Rating: 3

The City of Ashes (Join Valentine's Cruise: The Ride of Your Life!)

Awkwardness aside from the end of City of Bones, this book starts out on Jace being a sulky teenager. He bothers Luke's pack, lashes out at everyone and generally has a one man pity party. Granted, after the ew factor at the end of the last book, you partially can't blame him. And of course while everyone else is concerned with their own shit, Valentine's traipsing along bad guy trail and killing folks for stage two of his quest, the Mortal Sword. It's the seemingly-but-not-so-random kills that finally alert Clary and crew of Valentine's evil plots so they start paying attention and try to figure out what he's planning.

Downworlder Dilemmas #1: First trip they make to try and figure things out is a magical romp through Fae-land. The Fae Boss Lady ends up giving cryptic statements and pushes Clary and Jace to kiss, even though they're supposed to be sibs. However, this book was all about planting seeds of doubt that they're really siblings. So many plot threads through the book smack you in the face with it, probably to take off some of the ick towards their sibling-y lurve. However Clary kissing another dude, in front of Simon doesn't work so well since...they're dating. Oh, did I forget? I think Clary had too. She seemed so bored with the relationship that it's kind of an afterthought.

Downworlder Dilemmas #2: So disgusted by the sib on sib action, Simon rushes off to the embrace of Raphael. Well, realistically, Simon had been getting compulsions ever since he swallowed some of Raph's blood in the first book, so it was only a matter of time before he went Downworlder-side. Clary's understandably upset since even with all the shenanigans between them, Simon's still her best friend. And the crew helps Raphael bury him so he can turn. Simon, as the witty quipster gets a new level of angst post vampire-ness which begins him drawing in the ladies. But of course, not Clary, who's still smitten with Jace.

Downworlder Dilemmas #3: They figure out why Valentine's killing the Downworlders, as part of a sacrifice involving Valentine's planned assumption of power. However, shit gets real when Maia and Simon are kidnapped. Even though the adults (sans Luke of course) suck at helping them, the kids rally whomever they can. The Inquisitor causes problems of course, trying to lock Jace up, blinded by her hatred of Valentine. But eventually the obvious smacks all of them in the face and the adults join the kids on Valentine's loveboat of sacrificial destiny.

Clary manages to save the day by tapping into her special gift, the same one she used to find the Mortal Cup...her ability to create new runes. Simon's drained as hell so Jace feeds him, which ends up causing later complications. Magnus Bane makes appearances throughout, to everyone's delight. Aaaaand Clary blows a big hole into the gigantic ship they're all on, sinking it into the ocean while everyone scrambles to escape, including the big bad. Oh that pesky Valentine!

Rating: 3

Insurgent (Tris's Got a Gun--But Won't Use It)

First off, I'd like to say that Divergent was phenomenal. One thing Veronica Roth does very well as an author is her brilliant twists.The plot races around just as much in this one and the cliffhanger ending does a lot to make you want to read more. One thing that did change though from Divergent to Insurgent is the tone of the book as well as the tone of Tris' character.Tris's character in Divergent had seemed kind of callous, but when you place her in the setting of the Dauntless, its diminished because you have a lot of people who are like that and are shoving their emotions down to be brave. And then her actions prove her to go above and beyond the other people around her so she's admirable even though she can be really rough around the edges. However, in Insurgent, she goes between tears and coldness most of the time and it becomes tougher to empathize with her character. One second its snotty sniffles into a bucket of tissues and the next she's angry with other people for crying. The jumps get hard to keep track of, but the plot still moved at an interesting pace and she stepped up in the end.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Faction Hopping 101 #1: They start out in Amity and quickly we learn just how well Dauntless fit in when everyone's a hippie peacenik. Tris lasts a record short amount of time before she's injected with happy juice, which lead to a quite precious sequence of her being...NICE...gasp. But Amity only lasts so long before they get the boot again, next to Candor, where they're also not welcome. It seems everywhere they turn, Eric, Erudite, or someone they know is looping around the corner, shaking a gun at them and giving them hell.


Faction Hopping 101 #2: On a cool twist, we finally meet Tobias's mother who was supposed to have died. She was factionless instead though and we're introduced to this whole separate world outside of the factions. Unlike the horrible rumors and bus stop menagerie we see in Divergent, this book gives us a new glimpse into the Factionless. It's a thriving community, one that's only growing by the second. And one which we find out, is pissed from being ex-communicated from the rest.

Faction Hopping 101 #3: Although Tris had a brief stint in Erudite as Jeanine's prisoner, the end wraps up like the first one, back at Erudite's headquarters to knock down their fearless leader a couple pegs. But when everyone drops down on agendas, Four and the rest and following the factionless plan, which seems suspicious and a little too brutal for Tris's tastes. (Even though she had no problem with brutal in the first book -_-) However even when Tobias's mother pulls her sudden but inevitable betrayal at the end, the book ties up on one kicker of a twist.

While none of the characters appeal to me too greatly, the world's a fascinating one and the plot twists make for a fun read. Would I go wait in a line to buy this book? Nah. But I'd definitely check it out when the next one hits the shelves. 

Rating: 3

The Duchess of the Shallows (The Land of Many Boy Whores)

I'm very torn about this book, because there are things I definitively liked and things I didn't. The world in which Duchess lives is very well planned out and the different sections of the town seem like characters unto themselves. However, the explanations in the beginning bogged down the pacing, so it takes a good chunk of the beginning for the plot of the book to pick up pace. However like most slow burners do, it picks up the pace and gets into very well handled intrigue. Duchess is a fantastically competent character and the authors show how adept she is by the choices she makes and questions she asks--or doesn't. My biggest issue happened near the end and the scene destroyed her character for me.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Trial of the Gray #1: Duchess frolics through her hometown as a different person the moment she gets a certain coin. This apparently is her ticket to something bigger, the Gray, the spy network. So, she ditches the baker she worked for and decides to try her luck with the coin, leading her to Hector's lair. The job he sets out for her is a tricky one though, considering she's just been a baker all these years. Steal a knife from a noble before the big reveal at a party. Not just anyone can get into the Gray, but Duchess doesn't waver.

Trial of the Gray #2: In my opinion, this was the most fascinating part of the book. When she played tiles with Minette to get more information about how to get into the castle, Duchess's smarts are really on display. She proves herself to be quite resourceful and the events leading up to the castle were engaging and compelling. Duchess puts all of her pieces into play while she plots the thievery of the knife, aided by Minette. Once she gets into the castle too, the way she handles the cook in charge, making sure she appears to be competent, but not too competent adds to her character.

Trial of the Gray #3: Duchess ditches Lysander (which upset me greatly) but manages to steal the knife. She travels back to Lysander's place and waits until he comes back. Once he does, only a little roughed up, they try to hang like normal, but the spark of friendship doesn't quite flicker once you've abandoned your friends to the wolves. The scene between Duchess and Uncle Cornelius displays more of why they chose her to be a part of the Gray (that adeptness and ability for manipulation) and Duchess ends the book with the prospect of a new life ahead of her.

One scene soured me and that was when Lysander, her best friend, helps create the distraction. These guards come and threaten to hurt him--horribly--but even though Duchess hears, she makes the conscious choice to leave. This anti-heroic behavior can be worked around for sure, say if she ended up changing her mind and coming back for him, or nabbing the knife and then returning to save him. But instead, she just goes back to his place and waits. He conveniently only gets out of the situation with a couple bruises because some guards stumbled in on him. That being said, if you're someone who doesn't mind their main characters of the anti-hero sort, I'd check the book out. The writing was solid and the story had an abundance of intrigue.

Rating: 3


*I received this book for review purposes

VampCon (Disappointingly, NOT about a Vampire Convention)

This pulpy vampire novel doesn't waste any time getting to the action. From the start, the humorously named Jonathan Stoker gets thrown into this vampire congregation--some fancy meet and greet with all the vampires, like a big, ugly family reunion. A different slant on vamps, this departs from all Anne Rice-ian and Twilight notions of pretty vamps and gets to some gritty and kind of nasty origins involving giant spider aliens with poisonous salivating bellies. Narsty. Throw in some ancient magic and the notion that vampires' abilities are affected by their past sins and you get a spin on the time old traditions that works well in this novel. While I kind of wanted a little more from the characters, the pacing and action beats kept me reading.


***SPOILER ALERT***
 

Summoner Time Machine #1: VampCon begins and is not a convention. Still a little disappointed about that, particularly with the influx of geek culture in our-- Okay. So Ariel, magic slinging vamp extraordinaire, manipulated her summoner juju to make sure that Jonathan Stoker attends this congregation. Good usage of the summoners to show us their power, because it becomes incredibly important later. So they arrive at VampCon, Peter of the Many Voices shows up and all hell breaks loose because of one McRory too many. Pretty much everyone's going to die at the hands...or feelers of giant nasty ass spiders.

Summoner Time Machine #2: Flash forward to the future---Peter melded with a spider and Ariel pulled out a summoner to save everyone's asses from VampCon. So it pretty much hit the reset button, giving Winston a chance to rouse the three that Peter's prophecy told would cause problems with world spider domination. (As an avid hater of spiders, I would like to add a resounding ew to this plan) So the three rally, Jonathan Stoker, a man handy with a wrench and good gut impulses, Aram, a pacifist priest who can see everyone's deaths and HJ, a vampire wrecking ball, aka the shifter.

Summoner Time Machine #3: All the action heads back to the site of the original VampCon, except in the other tower where Peter has the place ready to connect to alternate dimensions. Unleash spidery doom, rah, rah. All of the characters who survived the original battlefest at VampCon (badge, lanyard and all) meet up again at the North tower and commence their boss fight against Peter and the Spiders. A couple explosions, some kickass fight scenes and really tense moments later, the good guys have won, even though Jonathan Stoker needs a new wrench.

This felt like an action movie to me and hopped from one scene to the next fairly quickly. I liked the organization of the story into three parts with the time lapses since I thought that worked very well for the story structure. Character-wise I wanted to throw Donny McRory off a cliff from the start, more because his dialogue tried a little too hard to be annoying and I thought HJ's convictions on lesbian-ism got a little Banky-ish in regards to Espen, but Jonathan and Ariel held the story together quite well. All in all, a fun jaunt.

Rating: 3


*I received this book for review

The Serpent's Shadow (Pin the Shadow on the Giant Apocalyptic Snake)

Rick Riordan really knows his way around a fun middle grade adventure. Kane Chronicles as a whole, definitely delivers. Sadie and Carter are fantastic and the brother/sister dynamic never gets old. I enjoyed all their bickering throughout the entirety of the series and I think this final book does a nice job of showing how close they've gotten from the beginning. It takes the whole Apocalpse Doom + limited timeframe approach that all the other ones do, but this time they're confronting the biggest bad of them all. The ending fight had a great feeling of resolution to it since they included many of the gods and friends they'd made throughout the earlier books.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Kane Enemy Brigade #1: Sarah Jacobi and the other magicians in her evil posse aren't the biggest of bads, but they're certainly like a swarm of pesky locusts that waste the Kanes time while they're trying to stop an Apocalypse. Even better, the Sarah Jacobi Squad ties into the end because they ended up selling out the magician good guy robe in honor of an Apocalypse ready Apophis worshipping one. So at the end when they're jabbing needles into everyone's ankles, they can't turn all the magicians against the Kanes once its revealed that they're servants of Apophis.

Kane Enemy Brigade #2: Setne reminds me of how Set came off in the first book and he's a welcome addition to their crew as the traitorous wizard who holds the key to defeating Apophis. His greasy hair and slick dialogue make him memorable, but just as entertaining is watching him wobble back and forth from good guy to bad guy. To be honest, he's mostly just selfish and therefore his motivations are self centered. He's willing to help the Kanes because he wants to keep living, but at the same point, the second Carter slips up, Setne's there to sic Blood Stained Blade on him.

Kane Enemy Brigade #3: Apophis has been the big bad in the background from the first book, so it ties the trilogy full circle when he's defeated in this one. He's such a big conceptual bad guy that it's a little odd for them to be battling Chaos itself (Unlike Set which was on the same playing field once Sadie and Carter God Suited up.) All of their friends come into action helping them take down Apophis and their plan works even after all of the setbacks along the way.

Once Chaos is defeated, as a result the Gods also have to distance themselves a bit from humanity, a repercussion I could appreciate for balance's sake. Sadie and Carter's story is nicely wrapped up in the ending and I especially loved them finishing up on the recording, like they did in every book. The Kane Chronicles overall were a fun jaunt through Riordan's contemporary Egyptian world.

Rating: 3

Out of Time: A Time Travel Mystery (Gangster Vampire, go the hell away)

This book opens up with a great romance setup. Stodgy professor and his friendly assistant. They're both interested in one another, but given their current situations, age and status, neither is willing to make a move. The perfect solution? A frolick through time courtesy of Simon's grandfather's watch. Hurrah! Now stuck in a different time period, all those pesky problems melt away and they can finally bone! Except for the gangster vampire. What is UP with the gangster vampire. Where a simple gangster would've worked just as effectively, he was a vampire as well which was a whole bushel of unnecessary. Oh I'm brooding and tormented and eternal, wah. And Simon happens to be a professor of the occult! How perfect! In all seriousness, because the vampire reveal was left for the second half of the book, it felt hokey and out of place. Had the paranormal been present from the start, it wouldn't have muddled my reader expectations, but man, midway through the book and he's just a pain in the ass.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Simon and Elizabeth's Self Made Hurdle #1: While they're adjusting to the times, Simon and Elizabeth both struggle with mutual attraction. Because it bubbled under the surface when they were in modern day times, this new environment that forces them to be together also forces up some of the pent up feelings they've both hidden. Things are progressing well in the romance department...*gasp* sharing a bed! Secret touches! Until Elizabeth gets a job working as a waitress in a bar. BUT during Prohibition which makes it more dangerous. Of course Simon's hidden all the prophetic dreams about her death, so he just seems like he's being a controlling ass and of course it pushes her straight into the job and further from him.

Simon and Elizabeth's Self Made Hurdle #2: As soon as it seems they've made up and the romance is heating up again, they kiss which ruins everything. Simon opens his mouth again and tells her it was all a lie. Her being upset is very understandable since all she's wanted from the beginning of the book is a relationship with Simon. And Simon continues creating his own problems by not telling her about the prophetic dreams until the breaking point when they finally air their grievances, realize they love one another (duh) and make sweet sweet love.

Simon and Elizabeth's Self Made Hurdle #3: So it seems like the only hurdle now is Simon's doom dreams, but a gangster, King, takes a liking to Elizabeth. Now, a head gangster taking a shine to a lady is trouble enough, but he's a vampire too. (Still don't know why) Elizabeth so far has been fairly independent and intelligent, but once King becomes involved in the picture it's like the vamp drained her brain and is going back for blood. The logical thing to do when a mob boss takes a liking to you is quit said job and move away. Especially since they're planning on heading home in a couple of weeks and it doesn't really matter where they are. No. She decides to stick around which gives King time to fall for her and kidnap her.

This all leads to the end of the book where Simon runs into Time Travel Grandpa and they fight King the Vamp together to get Elizabeth back. Big explosions, King has a magical change of heart and saves Elizabeth. Simon and Elizabeth return to the future, make googly eyes, the end.  Not bad, I mean the story kept my interest, but while the romantic tension fueled the beginning half of the book, the latter part with King the vampire just got silly. My vote is to cast the vampire off the island and just enjoy the time traveling romp through the 1920s.

Rating: 2

Hammered (Thor is a gigantic douchehat)

After the last book "Hexed" being everything I wanted from the series, my expectations had raised significantly for this one. While I enjoyed it, it fell flat for me kind of like the first one. One of the things I've noticed is that the voice fluctuates a lot during the series. The first book, you'd believe the character is 2100 years old for sure and he has an arrogant tone throughout. The second book I thought had the best balance to it. He was all knowing and wise, but kept up with the times as a matter of survival. When he slips into the twenty one year old geek persona, it was hilarious, but it was a persona, a facet. This book takes the persona and makes it his personality. While I loved the jokes, it was inconsistent with the first two books. Regardless, this book was about Atticus making do on his promises from the last book.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Atticus Kicks a God in the Jollies and Runs #1:
This first happens when he kills the Norns and the adorable giant squirrel, Ratatosk gets murdered in the process. Atticus repays his debts and in the previous book he owed Laksha a golden apple of Idunn. Since Bacchus was already pissy with him, he leaves a note to Idunn that Bacchus was involved, papering his name all over Valhalla. But the alarms sound fast and while the Norns want him dead, Atticus would really like to stay living. So he distracts Odin, beheads some Norns and hightails it back down Yggdrasil, the tree of life. 

Atticus Kicks a God in the Jollies and Runs #2:
So while he's on the way out of Tempe and gathering the boys for their big fight against the entire Norse pantheon (Well, supposedly just Thor) they run into one very pissed off god. Oh Bacchus, don't worry, you weren't forgotten. After murdering a ton of Bacchants the last book, the god wasn't pleased with Atticus. And then after dropping his name all around Valhalla...well, the gods were never known for being forgiving. So their journey gets a kick start as Bacchus literally chases them out of town on his chariot. 

Atticus Kicks a God in the Jollies and Runs #3
This fight had a lead in from the first book when Atticus mentioned what a giant douchebag Thor was. Somehow you had the feeling it was going to end in battle. And indeed it does. Atticus and his companions rally the Frost Giants and they take the Norse pantheon by surprise. They hadn't been prepared for gods, an ancient druid, an ancient vampire and a werewolf alpha. Everyone had their own reasons for killing Thor, but in the process they lay waste to Valhalla. The body count is huge. I'm talking Thor dead, Odin incapacitated, the Valkyries slain....it gets ridiculous. And with most of the people wanting revenge dead, Atticus can't even ask them if it was worth it. Even though they get out of Valhalla, they're still on the run and a ton of gods want them dead. 

One of the things that bugged me was the large chunk of the book that was storytime. Personally I thought it slowed down the pacing of the entire thing and would've been more interesting had the guys all just talked to one another. Instead a huge chunk was these dudes stories, but problem is, I didn't really care about any of them beforehand so I was just waiting to get the to end. Leik's was the only one of any importance. The other thing that bothered me was the goal switching. After he spent the last two books getting into all of this trouble to stay where he was, him leaving in this book seems rather wasteful. It makes all of his battles the last two books absolutely pointless if he was just going to leave anyway. Even with my qualms, the second book was so good I'm still going to give the next books a chance in the hope they'll be like that one.

Rating: 3

Hounded (Literally, cos of the Irish Wolfhound)

Upon first look at the blurb of this book, my mind jumped to awesome. Druids? Check. Paranormal hijinks? Check. Witty banter? Check. All the makings for a fantastic story. This being said, the first novel is primarily set up. While the story is entertaining and it served the purpose of getting me to read the next book, most of the first novel is based around setting up the area, the cast and explaining Atticus' past. Which is large, mind you. 2100 years old large. But after awhile, some chunks of it felt like reading a guide to mythology rather than the story itself. Still, Celt mythology has plenty of fascinating stories, so it's still worth a good read. The tone was not as hilarious and pop culture filled as I had initially hoped, but the story was entertaining, the characters eccentric and damnit all, his wolfhound Oberon is adorable.


***SPOILER ALERT***


A Parade of Celtic Gods #1: The first of the big ol' Irish pantheon to show up is the Morrigan. This is the setup for the whole book pretty much. She divines Atticus' death when he's fated to clash with his rival Aengus Og, the god of love. Sounds like a pretty time old story of the gods manipulating mankind. Here's where the fun flavor comes in though: this world not only includes the Celt pantheon, but all pantheons connect to earth. Plus, vamps and werewolves frolic about, most of the time not together. Morrigan herself is exactly what you'd imagine. Either an evil crow or an evil seductress, but all in all a good time.

A Parade of Celtic Gods #2: The next god to visit Atticus is Flidas, goddess of the hunt. Here's where the streams cross with Aengus Og's plotting. When Flidais and her posse, Atticus in wolfy form and his wolfhound Oberon run around trying to hunt mountain goats, they run into a park ranger. A magically compelled park ranger. In turn for his insolence, Flidais has Oberon tear out the man's throat. And following the set up, the police arrive on the scene moments later. Atticus just wants to live in Tempe running his bookstore with his trusty pup at his side, but Aengus is determined to make him run, or fight back. 

A Parade of Celtic Gods #3: After the gods traipse through Atticus' house several more times (including Brigid), the final straw happens when Hal, his werewolf pal and Oberon are kidnapped. Now Atticus is forced to act. While Aengus Og rallied witches at his side, he wasn't prepared for an angry werewolf pack and a pissed off two millenia old druid. The final confrontation pits demons, witches and Aengus Og against him, but it all ends with the witches killed by the werewolves and Aengus Og dead.

Manipulation of the gods, blah blah, Atticus is angry, blah blah. Oh yeah, pissy witches and demons, blah. The important part? The puppy is saved. Which is pretty much the point of the entire book.

Rating: 3

Somebody Tell Aunt Tillie She's Dead (When Your House Tries to Kill You)

Hm. This one was a tricky book for me. On one hand, I thought the snappy tone was refreshing and fun. On the other hand, the plot wobbled from insanely interesting one moment to a three page diatribe about what she ate that day. On the plus side? Gus is hell of a lot of fun. He's a positive, lively character and without him the book would fall flat. The draw with the house, the possession and all of that lead up was immensely nail-biting and I loved the creepiness and struggle as she explored the house from messed up cellar to creepy attic with a side room. On the negative side...Mara causes a lot of her own problems. Yes, she didn't ask for any of it directly, but at the same point, she invited all of the problems in and served them tea with her best china. There are a lot of points that she's just as well informed as the reader and I'm wondering why she wouldn't just get the hell out.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Mara's Genius Move #1: The girl's got some issues. The book starts out in a really interesting way when the building manager decides she's evicted, pretty much just because she's Wicca. Great intro, good, gripping start with a plausible problem. But she's having these crazy dreams she just can't ignore and the ghost of her father tells her not to use her magic. What does she decide to do? Use her magic of course, because gee golly, listening is for idiots. She uses it to bring her money. WHICH begins most of her problems.
 
Mara's Genius Move #2: So, midway through the book after a fun roundabout of Gus involved escapades, Mara finds out her spell delivered. The impending housing situation? Solved since her Aunt Tillie passed away, leaving her the cottage. Perfect solution, happy ending. Except that the cottage had been cropping up in her dark, horrible dreams all along. The logical solution? Get a job, figure out the money situation and sell the place from a distance. Mara's solution? Let me go LIVE there. Absolute genius, I tell you.

Mara's Genius Move #3: After moving in and getting tormented by the ghost of her Aunt Tillie until she's hospitalized, she finds out Tillie's trying to keep her safe from something. Something her mom tried to protect her from. Something that wants her in the cottage. Since Mara's the munchkin in the patch, she decides to stay and play with the big bad energy. After all, it couldn't really want to harm her, right? Duh. Her ancestor Lisette had some powerful mojo and wanted to reunite with her lover, Lucien. So when Mara invites her crush over and they mess around in the haunted rooms, Lucien and Lisette possess their bodies...which has been the plan from day one.

Luckily, there are smart characters like Gus who come and save the day, performing some demon expelling magic along with a bag of tricks including zombie powder. Happy ending, demons destroyed, guy she likes pretty shaken and hey, she's pregnant from all the boinking Lisette did while borrowing her body! While the plot's a bit all over the place and Mara isn't a great heroine, the other characters are interesting and the fun tone is what really drives the story. However, if you're not picky, like witches and want a fun read? This would fit the bill.

Rating: 3

The Stolen Throne (Welcome to the Loghain Pity Party)

So, I went into this book pretty hopeful. After all, Dragon Age is one of my favorite video games and the writing for it is absolutely phenomenal. However, translating that to fiction didn't work as well. I felt like half the time I was skimming through trying to get past the dreadful pacing of the story with the action scenes that were kinda static. It felt like they were trying to describe the video game rather than reaching for something more.
On the plus side, it was a nice companion to the game. I learned a lot of backstory about Loghain and Maric that makes me want to play again, so did it achieve its goal? Probably.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Misery thy name is Loghain #1: While Maric is the main character, the one of real intrigue is Loghain. The entire book sets up a perfectly logical explanation for his behavior in the game. In fact, I think on replay, I'll probably be rooting for the poor bastard. So Maric starts off bumbling, like Alistair, but without the witty dialogue and any real charm. He's naive and innocent like a dumb puppy and his existence lends to a shitfest of problems to anyone around him. Starting when Loghain runs into him in the woods after Maric's mother was murdered. Poor Loghain tries to do a good deed by bringing him back to camp and gets punished for it by the outlaws who swarm his home looking for Maric, resulting in Gareth, Loghain's dad, biting it.

Misery thy name is Loghain #2: Spurned with a capital S. So, Maric has a betrothed named Rowan. They're BFFs of course, but dense Maric doesn't even see her infatuation and instead boinks some random elven assassin. Go Maric. Meanwhile, Loghain's been getting to know Rowan and comes to care for her deeply. He finally confesses his feelings for her, right when she finds out Maric found a new fuck buddy by way of exotic elven temptress. However, when Loghain tries to leave in the morning, fully mortified and embarrassed, Maric has a hissy fit until he agrees to stay.

Misery thy name is Loghain #3: This was the heart clencher and seals Loghain's future villainy. So, they're taking down the big bad usurper and Maric finds out his elven wench was a spy. Even though it was obvious to everyone else from the start, its all OH! BETRAYAL! WANGST! So to pull Maric out of his depression, Loghain gives up the one good thing he had, Rowan. Oh yeah, they hooked up. Fully in love. But Fereldan needs a queen and Maric's obviously not fit to rule. So Loghain convinces both of them to go for it, despite his own feelings for Rowan. And does Maric finally learn how to be a good friend and lets Loghain have her? Of course not. He marries Rowan and they sire Cailan.

I spent most of this story annoyed with Maric and sympathizing with Loghain. While it's not the best written thing out there, if you wanted an alternate perspective on the bad guy, it's worth it, just to feel for Loghain when you replay the game. Because knowing Cailan is the lovechild of his best friend and old flame, it really helps you understand why he's constantly annoyed with the kid from the start. Plus, Cailan has the same idiocy that plagued Maric throughout the story. Theirin family crest: But daddy, I want to ride the pony!

Rating: 3

Throne of Fire (Kane Family Vacation, complete with doom, doom and more doom)

While the stakes come off kinda cartoonish at times (You have 5 days or else Chaos/End of the World/Boom) it works because of the fun, campy tone to the stories. Sadie and Carter's constant bickering and acting like the teens they are promotes the kind of story where even with high stakes, you're reading less for the drama and more for the fun. Snappy and sassy? Yes. Actually nail biting? Not really, but the tone is more reminiscent of Indiana Jones with kickass adventures and tomb raiding.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Gambling for Tweens #1: Once the Kane siblings find out their all important mission, they head over to Russia with Bes, the dwarf god. However, part of the Book of Ra belongs with Menshikov, who's on board with operation evil. So of course, while they're sneaking around trying to steal the book, he's having a one on one with Set, long distance, Egyptian magician style. When Menshikov realizes they're there, the kids make the first big bet of the book--summoning Set, to save them. Since he's on his own track, neither theirs nor Apophis', the kids take a big risk, but it pays off and he buys them enough time to escape.

Gambling for Tweens #2: The real time gambling took place with Khonsu, over a game of senet where they bet their souls. Craziest part of all this? Parent approved. Actually, parent provided. Khonsu's a creepy, kinda jerk of a dude. He lives for gambling and is known for it and when they bet their souls, trying to play for a couple hours, it results in a really intense game. Worst part of it is when Bes sacrifices himself so the kids can win and Khonsu devours the dwarf god. Even though Khonsu isn't supposed to be the big bad, he comes off way more menacing than anything else in the book.

Gambling for Tweens #3: The biggest chance they took was that with Ra, the doddering old grandpa of a god. This made for a ridiculously hilarious final battle, complete with Ra blowing raspberries at the enemies and asking for weasel cookies. It's hard to maintain any sort of terror with those antics going on in the background.

But the Kane sibs defeat Apophis for the time being, with the help of...well, not Ra, that's for sure. Regardless, the book ends on a fun note again where the entire thing has been another message sent to try and rally more people together for an army against the all powerful Chaos.

Rating: 3

The Red Pyramid (Percy Jackson with Egyptian Flair)

One thing Rick Riordan is good at is telling a fun adventure tale. This one does not disappoint. Sadie's sassy and Carter's honorable and both of them squabble like the sister and brother they are as they share the stage and the POV shifts. Also, the hieroglyphics intermingled in the text are a cute touch. For a Middle Grade book, the story's really entertaining with a huge array of gods just like Percy Jackson. What I appreciate too (having read the Percy Jackson books) are the not-so-subtle references to the Greek gods hangin in Manhattan.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Isn't it fun to be Egyptian #1: The first big change that both Sadie and Carter deal with after the demise of dear old dad and the rise of big bad Set is all of the Egyptian studies crammed down their throat when they go to Brooklyn with Amos. They learn about the shabti, that they have magic, and that their parents were involved in something way over their heads. Oh yeah and that Sadie's cat Muffin is actually the goddess Bast. There's a lot of "I can't believe this is happening" going on, but luckily they're forced to get in the swing of things fast because the Brooklyn mansion is ambushed.

Isn't it fun to be Egyptian #2:  The next big dealie that Sadie and Carter get bomb dropped on them is the whole "hosting gods" thing. When they talk to Iskandar and all the magicians, everyone's pretty anti- the kids because of how powerful they are from hosting gods. Turns out Isis took up residence with Sadie and Horus with Carter. Both kids fight to keep the gods from overpowering them, but there are a lot of scratches and dents along the way. However, while the power of the gods gives them advantages against the enemies they're fighting, it also multiplies their enemies to include all of the magicians.

Isn't it fun to be Egyptian #3: The book is a big crash course on Egyptian gods, legends and culture in a big way, so the ending makes sense with a whole lot of family (god) drama going on. Sadie and Carter deal with Set, but the whole thing seems like a repeat of the millions of other encounters and fights the gods have had with each other. I mean, brand new to Sadie and Carter for sure, but it seems like fights to the death are pretty common over Thanksgiving dinner. What they do establish through defeating Set though is a groundwork for magicians and gods working together. When Sadie and Carter give up the powers of Isis and Horus, they make a huge step towards eventual unity, which is good, because big snakey monster Apophis wants to devour the world for dinner.

So Sadie and Carter leave off their recording requesting anyone else with weird Egyptian experiences to contact them so they can begin to rally for this fight against Chaos Monster of Doom. Cool style to do it and Sadie and Carter interrupting each others' passages make for a really unique style in the writing. Best part? The recording isn't a throwaway gimmick, as it's actually prevalent in the next book.

Rating: 3

Arrows Fall (The one where no one communicates like effective adults)

This would have to be my favorite of all three books, although that's not saying a whole lot. I suppose if I took all three and squashed them together into one book, the third book did bring up something started in the first. The second book wouldn't have really been of any importance then though, aside from bringing her and Kris closer together. Confusion aside, the pseudo love triangle between Kris, Dirk and Talia kept things interesting if not frustrating. Truly, the plot could've been resolved in five seconds if any bothered to speak to one another, but of course for drama, it had to be dragged out.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Unnecessary Point #1: So the biggest and main issue in this book is that Dirk and Talia are meant to be together and their own stupidity is keeping them apart. Oh and the fact that Talia opened up her legs for his best friend Kris. Yet what do they do about it? Do they discuss things like rational adults? No. Talia remains silent (she's really good at that, oh passive character that she is) and Dirk becomes an alcoholic. And since Kris is the best friend, does he bother actually telling Dirk that Talia's interested in him? No, everyone plays avoidance games and draws this entire issue out much longer than necessary.

Unnecessary Point #2: How much everyone trusts Orthallen. Okay, he has a reputation for causing trouble. He's constantly arguing with Talia and yet, Talia's supposed best friends, Kris and Elspeth both fall for Orthallen's misguided advice. Now, yes, he's supposed to be a master manipulator, as he is actually a traitor (gasp! didn't see that one coming 500 miles away) And most of the characters are rather dumb with a lack of common sense, but the fact that nobody but Talia and the armsmaster notices the issue seems kind of ridiculous. Orthallen does plenty of obvious things that don't lend to good manipulation and is rubbish at covering his tracks.

Unnecessary Point #3 When Talia is captured, I thought the rape in that situation was one of the most brutally pointless parts of the book. It serves no purpose except to point a big flashing sign to Ancar and Hilda saying, oh, look how wicked they are! I've seen some stories where it actually fits based on the villain and comes from a deranged mindset, etc, but this just was so abrupt and seemed inserted just to shock the reader into hating the villain rather than building that hate throughout the story. They could've done without all the torture and rape and instead rather threatened it and achieved the same establishing effect, that the villains are evil.

Despite the unnecessary points of the book, I enjoyed it the most of the three, probably because even though a lot of it was ridiculous, the lifebond between Dirk and Talia was a fun way to explore the idea of soulmates and when they two of them interacted, it made you care for the characters more than all of their "struggles" in the other two books.

Rating: 2

Arrow's Flight (Herald internship leads to lots of lays)

Now, where the first book seemingly threw in some side conflict where there originally was none, this book did have a conflict fairly early on until the end. But the conflict was the hero not having control over her powers. And just like in the first book, she kept silent about her problems and it caused more trouble. Not only do you think she would've learned, but it throws her under the TSTL category. On the plus side, at least this book had more organization, which helped greatly and the introduction of the possible lifebond with Dirk made for some interesting character development.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Talia's the Villain #1: She's not actually the villain, but all of their problems stem from her. So it all begins when her partner, Kris, who she's on the internship with makes a comment about the circulating rumors that she's abusing her gift of empathy. Now, to most normal folks, well, that sucks. Might get a little bummed, somewhat annoyed, but to Talia, the special one, she takes a simple rumor and her "empathy" gift torpedoes it into a large scale problem. All because she didn't talk about it to anyone. Since empathy is supposed to be how you relate to others and not about your own feelings of inadequacy, I'm not quite sure how this makes sense.

Talia's the Villain #2: So, the entire middle half of the book takes place in a Waystation, as they're snowed in. Their problems are the blizzard outside, but mostly Talia, inside. Because she might EMOTION them all to death. Man, I wish I was joking. But that's the gigantic threat. That she'll project her empathy on Kris and since that's so super dangerous, they've gotta get it under control. So they spend the majority of the time banging as friends (although they've stated they feel brotherly and sisterly towards one another which creeps me out, because a casual fuck does not normally happen between brothers and sisters) and working on fixing her out of control gift.

Talia's the Villain #3: So, after Talia's under control, they continue on their path, solving problems as Heralds are apt to do. They encounter a rapist in a village and Talia uses her mind juju on him to trap him in a loop of torture. Magically, everything's better and even though she never really established the moral implications of her gift, she pretty much decides she doesn't give a damn by the end, making the entire struggle through the book a pointless obsolete.

Rating: 2

Mallorean (Belgariad, the remake)

So, I went into the Mallorean with the thought that it can't be as bad as the Belgariad, since at least they're all grown up. I was right. Because we didn't have the first half of the series through the fumbling eyes of Garion--dolt boy turned Rivan King and Child of Light from prophecies, the Mallorean actually was a much better read. Garion's in it, but he shares perspective with more intelligent and apt characters. Don't get me wrong, his practical Sendarian perspective comes marching through at times and even has some great uses, but this book enjoys characters that are actually two dimensional over the one dimensional blobs from before. (Although, it beguiles me why being practical and from Sendar means sex makes you run into a bathroom like a frightened schoolgirl to cry. CeNedra and Garion have marital issues because Garion is too busy for sex. Man card, denied.)


***SPOILER ALERT***


Improvement #1 Liselle

The intriguing character moves the pace along and works wonderfully with Silk. But she's not the average woman and goes into combat along with the men, even participating in one of the bigger battles. Her manipulations are what I enjoyed reading since they brought some enjoyment and life into the story. While the twists involving her weren't particularly surprising, (aka blatantly shoved in your face) at the very least, watching Silk squirm was well worth her inclusion.

Improvement #2 Mostly adult perspective
Thank god. Not that I have anything against young adult---in fact, I love it---but David Eddings is old school in his YA. In the sense that children must be talked down to and explained things very simply. Rather than writing through a realistic young perspective, he falls prey to the old trend of writing young adult as an older person telling a story to a moron of a child. Seriously. Garion in Belgariad is so stupid I wondered how he didn't drown early on. Granted, he's not much better here, but the characters like Zakath and Liselle drown out his one-dimensionality, whereas before he only had the cardboard cutouts of Mandorallen and Barak to balance off of.

Improvement #3 The same story as before, but better
Now, this seems like a ridiculous thing, considering I just read Belgariad. Why read the same story over again? Don't. Just skip Belgariad and go straight to the Mallorean. The characters are better, the plot's....well pretty much the same, so you won't miss anything. This comes as one of the revelations midway through the series. I'm serious. They stop and realize "everything's replaying the same way as before." It's like David Eddings made his masterpiece of a dish, realized it was crap and is now trying to save the leftovers with spices and microwave magic. I'll give him this. The second series was better than the first. But it brings to question, why couldn't he come up with a different plot then? The only thing I got from it is that maybe he realized how droll the first one was and wanted a do-over.

So, the Mallorean was decent. Better than the Belgariad, even though it follows the Jane Austen school of marriage and babies at the end. Because after a rollicking adventure through the lands, settling down is all there is to life. No message, or philosophical ideal.....just popping out babies. Thanks, David Eddings. You're a real winner.

Rating: 3

Dead Reckoning (Spanky, sexy vampires plus some fairy mojo)

Charlaine Harris might not be the next Tolkien in the writing field, but she's fun and Sookie Stackhouse's practical sass always puts a smile on my face. Say what you will about the writing itself, but there's something to be said about an entertaining read. Defense aside, the latest book wasn't as good as some of the earlier ones like "Club Dead," but it was a great afternoon jaunt through their Southern supernatural setting.


***SPOILER ALERT***


Supernatural Problem #1 The book starts off with a bang, literally. A firebombing in Merlottes and a side trail of annoying problems all due to Sandra Pelt (Just DIE already). To quote the great BBC show "Coupling," the Pelt sisters are like the unflushables of the series. Even after Debbie's death, Sandra continues as an annoying problem in countless of the books. Luckily, she's dealt with fairly easily and causes enough of a distraction to keep up the pace with another problem since the main one in this book isn't as enticing.

Supernatural Problem #2 Fairies. Lots of em. Untrustworthy too because Claude and his band of stripperfae have some weird shenanigans going on under the surface. The book moves the fairy plot in an interesting direction though, leaving lots of unknowns to keep us biting for the next in the series.

Supernatural Problem #3 Vampire issues. The big bang up finale is taking Victor down. But where there are vampires, there are romantic quadrangles. The overarching one of her romantic interest comes down to Eric. He's terse through the whole beginning and then it's revealed that Appius, his creator's making him marry some other vamp. Her whole relationship with him's now in question and to top it off, the option of Bill is still on the surface as they flirt throughout the book. On top of it, Alcide tries to come back into her life, nude and in her bed. She's done with all of the guys for the time being, fed up with everything.

The book ends on a cheery supernatural asskicking and does its job as an awesome page turner. Throw in some Sookie Stackhouse sass, attractive supernatural men, a hefty helping of violence and blend!

Rating: 3

Belgariad (Otherwise known as how I publicly flayed myself with fantasy tropes)

Look. I get this book was written in 1862.

Oh wait, you mean this gem was written only twenty years back? I'm wondering how something written only thirty some years ago has less characterization than a Jane Austen novel. Seriously though, I borrowed this series in eager anticipation having heard great things about it. Everyone told me the books were fantastic. Well, everyone was wrong. I mean, I did finish it, so it wasn't unbearable.

The storyline was trite, but the action moved along at a fast enough pace to keep me reading. And since the writing was more readable than some of the stuff on the shelves, I managed to pull myself through the whole thing, but then again, each book is extremely short. Everything from plot to characterization reads with all the thrilling zest of Northanger Abbey. I feel like I'm back in college with my white haired professor reading it to me, clouding the room with his pungent soap and grandpa smell. Yes, David Eddings, I mean you.


***SPOILERS AHEAD***


Gripe #1: The plot is like driving a flat highway in the Midwest. You see all the turns coming from miles and miles away. It takes out all the thrill and turns it into a more impatient version of the "Are We There Yet" game. Hint, one way to make your plot more thrilling is by not announcing what's going to happen from the beginning in prophetical form. You weren't being subtle with Garion's chosen one storyline at ALL.

Gripe #2: The characters are about as animated as dead fish. Men act like men and women act like women. In other words, men drink and wench and go to taverns. They behave practically except when it comes to battle and then they take fiendish delight in chopping off limbs. When it comes to women, they all adapt an utterly befuddled "bitch be crazy" consensus. The women are equally as ridiculous, never saying anything straightforwardly and playing puzzles for no real reason at all. It's like watching a group of frat boys and sorostitudes interact with the exception that this is a fantasy novel and they have no rightful place in that genre.

Gripe #3: The stereotypes. All Drasnians are shifty. All Sendars are practical. All Chereks have beards. Seriously, I'd have to open up the Disney vault to find characters more one dimensional than these. The stereotypes might have worked at the time, but this didn't hold very well in modern day.

As an older series, I can respect what the book accomplished. They set some standards and followed the epic quest formula we know and love so well. The part with Ce'Nedra raising an army and Durnik coming back from the dead was pretty cool. They had their fun little points where you finally got to see the fates of the characters unfold and there's always some comfort in the formulaic epic quest stories. But would I read it again? Definitely not.


Rating: 2