Weekly Wednesday MFK: The Hobbit

Since the Hobbit just came out, I figured we'd give it a spin. And then I realized there are virtually no chicks in the Hobbit, so it looks like we're just spinning the MFK wheel with dwarves and hobbits today. Since we can't split it up by gender, we'll split it up by species.

Dwarves:

Thorin, Balin, Kili

Assortment of Weird:

Bilbo, Gollum, Gandalf


My Take:

Dwarves:

Thorin- Marry. He's taller for a dwarf and a pretty noble dude. Plus, as the son of a king and heir to Erebor, when he ascends, that means queen-itude for me! 
Balin- Kill. Sorry old dude. Not a big fan of dwarves in general, let alone ancient ones.
Kili- Fuck. In the books he's one of the youngest and has a lot of energy. In the movies, he's played by freakin' Aidan Turner, who's gorgeous. Easy one there.

Assortment of Weird:

Bilbo- Fuck. He's adventurous for a hobbit, so I suppose he'd be a better lay than your average Shire man. Plus, he's clever, which is always a good quality in a lay.
Gollum- Kill. Shriveled, insane and probably asexual, Gollum wouldn't be sane enough to leave alive. He'd try to kill you in your sleep or if he was in a favorable mood, might leave a raw and wriggling fish on your pillow.
Gandalf- Marry. He's got power, man. Even if he's super old and wrinkly, he spends all of the Hobbit saving the merry band's asses. He can pull a lot more than parlor tricks, so the marriage would have its perks.

Anuksuna's Take:
From Wolfie's

Dwarves:

Thorin- Marry. Because he's amazing.
Balin- Kill. Sorry, Balin.
Kili- Fuck. He seems like he'd be fun in bed!

Assortment of Weird:

Bilbo- Marry. I will live in a hobbit hole and magically transform into a hobbit!
Gollum- Kill. He's suffered enough already.
Gandalf- Fuck. Gandalf probably hasn't gotten any in forever!